Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
orgasm during sex. Forty-three percent of women report “some kind of sexual problem,” such as the
inability to achieve orgasm, boredom with sex, or total lack of interest in sex.
Basically women are not getting what they need sexually from men. At the root of the problems lies
the male lack of understanding of the female body and man’s loss of control over ejaculation. These
facts are basic to female sexual withdrawal and difficulties in reaching orgasm. She doesn’t enjoy sex
because it doesn’t feel good. How much sex would you want if you never even had an orgasm? If you
want more sex from your woman, discover how to express yourself physically in a way that opens
her, expands her body energy, and makes her ask for more. Once you figure that out, you won’t have
to ask. Trust us—she’ll be asking you to make love to her. If you don’t believe it, just try it.
There is an urgent need to discover how to extend the length of time of lovemaking, literally penis
in vagina, for deeper sexual satisfaction of both the man and the woman. Their sexual experiences are
inextricably intertwined, not separated into something one likes and the other does not. If a woman is
not fully open to her partner, his sexual experience becomes one-dimensional, repetitive, and finally,
boring. Then the need arises to introduce increasingly exciting and stimulating situations, porn
movies, sex toys, party games, and the like to keep things rolling.
When woman is made love to consciously and at length, the man’s experience is transformed; it
becomes otherworldly, a multidimensional happening. When a man spends more clock time with his
penis inside the woman he automatically thinks less about sex, because he is having it. Prolonged
sexual experience in relaxation brings him a confidence and trust in himself, which in turn reduces
presexual tension and excitement, and thereby postpones ejaculation.
Ejaculation can be postponed indefinitely once you discover the way to do so. Given that human
beings do not make enough love, extending lovemaking by delaying, postponing, or even abandoning
ejaculation sounds like the perfect remedy for bringing the situation into balance. There are always
two opposing directions in which we can move with our sexual energy as human beings: emotional or
mature, superficial or empowering, stimulating or relaxing, biological or spiritual, discharging or
containing, reproductive or generative, unconscious or conscious.
PERSONAL SHARING
Enjoying Both Thrills and Silence
In the past six months of making love in silence without many outer movements, but with many more inner movements, it
has become something that I had been seeking. It is the kind of making love that allows space for conscious encounters,
deep love, unlimited variety, bubbling aliveness, powerful masculinity, and deep fulfillment. It is a wonderful path that
leads me to who I truly am. At other times there is hot lovemaking with arousal. I experience excitement as something that
pulls me in again and again. Sometimes it attracts me because I simply cannot let go of it, or it comes as a wave that
overloads and overwhelms me. The experience is totally different from the silent lovemaking.
You taught us that, “Afterwards is your teacher.” After the silent lovemaking I felt fulfilled and alive inside. After the
love with excitement, in other words, after an orgasm, I felt tired and needed a break. In my personal experience there is
another important difference. With the exciting love, I adhere to my partner energetically. In the silent love there is a
space in which love can unfold between us. In regard to quality and sustainability, silent love is clearly leading for me,
yet I’m not ready to say goodbye forever to lovemaking with excitement. I would be denying some parts in me that still
long for that thrill, and I don’t want to do that. I think further practice with tantra will lead the way. I allow myself to
continue to be surprised as to where this path is taking me.
Tantric Inspiration
Ordinarily the energy is going outward and downward. You have to bring it backward, inward—and “inward” is
synonymous with “upward.” Once it starts coming back to you, and you become a circle of energy, you will be
surprised: a new dimension has opened up; you start moving upward. Your life is no longer horizontal. It has taken a
new route, the vertical.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
SECRET OF SECRETS
3
EJACULATION IS NOT MALE ORGASM
The general assumption is that male ejaculation is a man’s version of an orgasm. However, some men
have discovered that ejaculation is definitely not a true orgasm. They have experienced that nature
designed the genitals for elevated, or evolved, sexual experiences. They agree that ejaculation is an
intense pleasure, but these few seconds cannot compare with the timeless, blissful, relaxing
experience of orgasmic fusion. You find your body empowered, rejuvenated, and your spirits lifted.
Physiologically it is possible for man to have an orgasm without ejaculating. However, a man can
also ejaculate sometimes without experiencing any pleasurable sensations whatsoever. Orgasm and
ejaculation can occur simultaneously, or they can be experienced independent of one another. For a
man this means he is capable of a prolonged “valley” orgasm, or even multiple orgasms, without
ejaculation.
LOSS OF ENERGY AFTER EJACULATION
It is well known that men usually, or perhaps always, experience loss of energy after ejaculation.
Signs of energy loss occur as a negative type of relaxation that is the result of the unburdening of
accumulated tensions from the system. Stimulation and movement are used to build up tension levels;
the breath gets shorter and faster until the energy peaks into a climax. Accumulated tension is
discharged downward and outward along with life-giving semen (in contrast to the energizing effects
of orgasm without ejaculation, which keeps the energy in the body and sends it vertically up the
spine).
There are a number of ways in which the loss of energy after ejaculation manifests: a sense of
separation, emptiness, loss of interest in the partner, irritability, tiredness, wanting to switch off, or
falling asleep. There has been a depletion of energy, inducing a negative type of relaxation. The by-
product of true relaxation is increased vitality and aliveness.
A young man of twenty-five years attended our weeklong seminar for couples, during which he
immediately started to avoid ejaculation and contain his energy. After several days of making love
two or three times a day without ejaculation, he observed a distinctly different quality arising from
his body and his being, as though he had entered a love paradise. He felt as high as a kite.
Then, on the second to last afternoon he decided to have an ejaculation just to check it out and see
how it would feel. He told us that from one second to the next he felt himself falling from heaven into
hell. There was an instant evaporation of the positive, uplifting, inspiring inner force he had felt
building up within himself during the previous days.
Since that shattering experience he has been able to observe and identify certain emotional and
physical states that accompany or follow his ejaculation. Here is the list he made:
An intense idleness spreads inside of me.
Contact with people becomes difficult for me. I do not feel like seeing people.
The front of my torso is extremely tense for the next two days.
My lower back is contracted.
My neck is tense.
My body is generally tense. There is no space in me, no mobility.
I am irritable.
I behave like a child that did not get enough sleep, even if I’ve slept a lot.
Even little things are often too much. If I have to do something, it often feels like an
insurmountable obstacle.
My thoughts are racing
I doubt my profession, my relationship, my living space, and my life. Nothing seems as good as
it is.
I lack serenity. I feel no joy. I am afraid that everything will get to be too much.
My eyes are blurred and my head feels foggy.
I do not want to look at my beloved any more, and I am hardly able to look at her. If I do it
anyway, I do not see her clearly.
I feel restless.
In brief, nothing is fun.
I need two to three days (at least) in order to recover, unless
I start watching movies endlessly and avoid contact with anyone.
The rest of this man’s interesting observations appear at the end of chapter 9.
The Power of Containment
The containment of sexual energy is not a new idea by any means. Containment was advocated and
practiced by ancient Taoists and Tantrikas thousands of years ago and was considered pivotal to
enjoying a long, healthy, creative, happy life.
Today, the majority of men (and women) never question ejaculation. With the equation ejaculation
equals orgasm never being challenged, ejaculation becomes the goal of sex. It’s why we do it.
Besides, we think sex without a buildup and climax can hardly amount to real sex, and so ejaculation
is given a central place without consideration of the many possible negative effects. Enormous
amounts of spiritual and physical energy are required to rebalance and revitalize the system—energy
that would otherwise be put to better use in essential body maintenance, especially as a man gets
older.
One tablespoon of semen is unbelievably potent. The fluid contains an immense amount of proteins,
vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, as well as vital energies. Semen is like liquid gold. With each
ejaculation a man releases around forty million sperm cells, which have the potential to reproduce
that many human beings. What incredible power!
Man unwittingly and habitually depletes his essence each time he has sex because of the prevailing
idea that sex is for the pleasure of ejaculation.
The Spiritual Aspect of Sex Energy Rises
The creation of a human being is a miracle, yet the reproductive potential of sex is its more
superficial expression. The higher, spiritual aspect of sex lies beyond the biological aspect, and this
is where man differs fundamentally from his animal friends. Animal reproduction is relatively
infrequent, generally limited to brief seasons, and occurs when the male of a species is attracted to
specific odors emanating from the female. Sexual behavior is rarely displayed in the phases between
seasons.
However, human beings are able to make love all day, every day if it is their individual wish, so
there must be more to sex than straightforward procreation. Man is able, through his consciousness, to
raise his sexual expression to a higher level—one that is an evolutionary step. The containment of the
life force through relaxation gives rise to stillness and a higher form of self-experience. Sexual
experiences become uplifting, deeply moving, and nourishing. Further, the capacity to be relaxed in
sex and avoid tension-filled climax-oriented sex gives rise to a quality of male authority and presence
that is lacking today in the majority of men. (This aspect will be covered in chapter 8.)
A man’s experience of the spiritual aspects of sex is limited because there is confusion about sex.
Nature has an inherent commitment to reproduction (among all plant and animal species) and is not at
all interested in states of ecstasy or fulfillment of orgasmic potential. Ejaculation, which serves nature
perfectly well, also leads to a crash landing well before humans take off and start flying. The usual
brevity of the sex act means that the majority of men are not experiencing the vagina as the true home
and resting place of both man and penis. In a man’s lifetime inestimable amounts of time and energy
are locked up into sexual fantasy and longing, but the actual amount of time a man spends with his
penis inside a vagina is minimal.
A style of superficial reproductive sex is basically not satisfying in the long term. Again and again
the longing to repeat the same experience arises and can become a vicious cycle of desire and
discharge. With repetition boredom easily sets in, so a man will change partners in order to keep his
sex life alive.
When the ejaculation experience is truly fulfilling there is a sense of deep satisfaction and
completion. Instead, most men, as already mentioned, feel depleted and devoid of creativity. Because
the peak climax is not profound or deeply touching, the desire for sex continues almost as a
compulsion or an obsession, and a man can find himself fully controlled by his sexual urges.
With the habit of building up and discharging energy the more subtle, delicate layer of sexual
experience is bypassed. The life force is not given the opportunity to circulate within the body.
Ejaculation interrupts the circle, and the higher potential of sex is lost. When a man learns to
experience his higher orgasmic nature and finds deeper fulfillment through sex, there usually will be a
corresponding decrease in his sexual obsession.
CONTAINING THE LIFE FORCE
For a man to shift gears and reach a higher octave in sex, he needs to prolong the sex act by cooling
down and either avoiding ejaculation or postponing it until a moment of his choosing. The bodies of a
man and a woman need to make love for an extended period of time for states of sexual ecstasy to
arise. The human body is designed by nature to experience higher states, but this requires time,
sensitivity, and awareness.
If a man understands that premature ejaculation happens through overexcitement, he can make
