Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
perhaps you don’t even bother to go there this time. Experiment with how it feels to retain your vital
juices.
TANTRIC KISSING
Learning to kiss tantric style has great value. You begin to really enjoy kissing and become incredibly
kissable at the same time. Some women say they experience kissing as more intimate than sexual
union.
Anyone can be an excellent kisser. Just relax your lips with your mouth lightly closed, bring your
full attention into your lips, and become present in them. Tantric kissing is done with full, sustained
lip contact. This means you don’t stop; you stay connected. You remain joined at the lips, which are
fused in a relaxed, sensual fashion. You get together and stay together, so a tantric lip kiss can easily
last a few hours. Each person enters the lips with presence and awareness, becoming their lips.
The tongue is usually not used in tantric-style kissing; or if it is, only a little, and delicately.
Perhaps the tip of your tongue gently caresses the lips. The famous French tongue kiss can cause a
sharp rise in the level of man’s excitement and encourage early ejaculation, which means the tongue
ought to be used with caution.
Like most things, kissing takes practice, so do not abandon the tantric kiss before you “get it.”
Suddenly one day it will click. There is nothing obvious to be seen from the outside (except that you
do not stop)—a kiss is a kiss—but from within, the experience can be electrifying.
POSITIONS DURING SEX
Positions are relatively unimportant. One position is as good as the next if you enjoy it and it works
for you. What is most important is to be present in a position and for the position to enhance the
correspondence of penis and vagina, so that it encourages and supports the flow of life force. In
general, the actual physical fitting together is maintained as much as possible in any given situation.
Changing Positions through Rotating Moves
Changing position increases awareness and enhances presence. Positions can be changed regularly in
order to renew and refresh the environment of the penis and vagina. Positions can be changed when
there is a need to move, the pull to sleep, or the urge to stretch.
The sequences of what we call rotating positions are shown in figures 7.1 and 7.2. These are
changes of position using circular, dimensional movements, rotating around a focal point—penis
inside the vagina. As the bodies move, they endeavor to maintain the connection between penis and
vagina. If the penis slips out, just quickly slip it in again. Man can do it, woman can do it—whatever
is easiest. Nothing is lost if this happens, but a sense of humor helps.
The starting point of the sequences in figures 7.1 and 7.2 is the scissors position used for soft
penetration as described in chapter 6. Scissors is a good beginning position—man on his side,
woman on her back, relaxed and easy for both. Scissors position is equally wonderful for slow
penetration with erection and is a comfortable position for a short sleep.
Fig. 7.1. Sequence of rotating positions through front approach
Fig. 7.2. Sequence of rotating positions through rear approach
After five, fifteen, or fifty minutes the position can be changed, as often as necessary, as often as
desired. Shifts in position can be done slowly, all movements in a deliberate, step-by-step, unhurried,
unfolding and rearranging of bodies.
Tantric Inspiration
And while making love, forget about orgasm. Rather, be in a relaxed state, relax into each other. The Western mind
is continuously thinking about when it is coming and how to make it fast and great and this and that. The thinking
does not allow the body energies to function. It does not allow the body to have its own way; the mind goes on
interfering . . .
Relax . . . If nothing happens there is no need for anything to happen. If nothing happens then that is what is
happening . . . and that too is beautiful! Orgasm is not such a thing that it has to happen every day. Sex should be
just being together, just dissolving into each other. Then one can keep making love for half an hour, for one hour, just
relaxing into each other. Then you will be of utter mindlessness, because there is no need for the mind. Love is the
only thing where the mind is not needed; and that is where the West is wrong: it brings in the mind even there.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE OPEN SECRET
PERSONAL SHARING
Finally Getting Enough
My biggest source of stress has been not getting enough sex. Two factors have helped to considerably diminishing this
source of stress. First: I have learned to plan sex. Planned sex! Only a short time ago this would have sounded terrible to
me. I thought sex had to be spontaneous, there had to be butterflies in the stomach, and I had to be horny, otherwise it
wouldn’t work. This has changed totally. Nowadays I am planning sex with my wife. On Mondays at 8 p.m., for at least
an hour or two, we make time for love. Week by week we have a second look as to when we want to schedule time for sex.
This doesn’t eliminate spontaneity. Spontaneous love encounters often happen when we’re on vacation, but during the
normal workweek, it happens rather seldom. With this schedule we make time for something that is very important for
both of us. For me this is a great relaxation from the tension of not getting enough. I know that at least once, and maybe
twice, per week I will have sex. Wonderful, isn’t it? The reason planned sex is nearly always possible is because of
tantra. I learned to meet my wife without focusing on sexual desire and excitement. Nowadays I seldom use the word sex; I
talk about making love. When we make love, we first tune in, in the form of a common meditation. Each time it is a treat to
encounter myself, to open up, to go into my own male power before engaging with my wife. For some time we had put
aside meditation preceding lovemaking. Then we often got caught up in discussions, the energy didn’t flow, or just about
nothing else happened. Generally the lovemaking gets easier, more loving, and more intense if I meditate beforehand.
Secondly: Through tantra, our love is lifted into a totally new dimension. It is fulfilling, sustaining, and very alive. The
knack is (and this is really true) to be aware of myself during the lovemaking. This is the opposite of my previous belief
that I should do anything possible to make the sex act enjoyable for my wife, and my expectation that she would lead me
to a great orgasm as soon as possible.
Tantric Inspiration
In meditation, if two meditators share their energies, love is a constant phenomenon. It does not change. It takes on
the quality of eternity. It becomes divine. The meeting of love and meditation is the greatest experience in life, and
only then does duality between man and woman disappear.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE REBELLIOUS SPIRIT
8
SEXUAL HEALING AND MALE AUTHORITY
Every fifth woman a man meets in the Western world is likely to have been sexually abused,
according to official statistics, and this number does not include women who prefer not to disclose
their histories. Perhaps we can even say that every woman has been inadvertently abused or misused
to a certain extent, due to the relatively aggressive and hard (unconscious) conventional style of sex.
Culturally there is deep misunderstanding about the female body and the way it opens and responds to
male energy (see chapter 4). Likewise, because of lack of awareness and information, the way men
generally use their bodies in sex is actually abusive to their intrinsic male energy and creates a kind
of “overcharge” or disturbance in their systems.
Many men feel a heartfelt concern and unease about the pain and suffering women have been
subjected to through sex. At the same time, men feel quite helpless and powerless, and unable to
extend support or healing to women on such a sensitive level. Sexual abuse has long-lasting, injurious
effects on the life of a woman. The memories in her body and the scars in her psyche can
fundamentally affect her capacity to love and enjoy her body and sex. At times in a relationship, abuse
issues from the past can reappear out of the blue, become reactivated in the present, and turn into a
source of conflict and unhappiness. A man may even carry a lurking guilt about sex in general, in
view of the sexual injustices a woman may have experienced in her past. Following the guidelines
below will give man a positive alternative and direction for his energy, which is just as beneficial
and healing for him as it is for a woman.
This chapter is dedicated to sexual healing and male authority and completes the generative or
meditative sexual orientation that we give our retreat participants toward the end of the weeklong
retreat. A few threads from themes of earlier chapters will be picked up and drawn together here into
a single frame. There will be glancing references to aspects previously addressed in more detail.
VAGINA, NOT CLITORIS
Here we will explain in concrete terms how to deepen our sensitivity so that man and woman become
more sensitized in relation to each other. We first need to examine the role of the clitoris and how this
has affected woman’s capacity to receive. In conventional sex, the clitoris is generally considered by
both women and men to be central to female sexuality and orgasm. This leads to a tendency to focus
on the clitoral area, which actually lies well outside of the vagina. In addition, within the first few
inches of the vagina are some muscular rings that constrict the penis, stimulating it slightly with
pleasurable sensations. Because of these considerations, the movement of the penis usually consists
of short, repeated, frictionlike thrusts that enter only the first part of the vagina.
These two factors have also caused an external focus in woman, so that her awareness is drawn
downward, toward the front of the vaginal/clitoral area, and away from the deeper regions of the
vagina, where, in fact, she is most receptive. Often during hard sex women deliberately have to
contract the vagina to close and protect the sensitive cervix (as mentioned before) because it can be
painful. Sometimes the deeper area will also contract and “close down” due to the tension of old
memories buried deep in the vaginal tissues. These stored memories might include overstepped
boundaries, aggressive sex, abusive sex, rape, abortion, gynecological visits, or even anxiety learned
from parents or church.
Female Receptivity and Stored Tension
Anxiety, memories, and the external focus on the clitoris result in the deeper regions of the vagina
moving out of woman’s awareness and thereby becoming a bit inaccessible. There will usually be a
corresponding lack of awareness and vitality higher in the vagina. At the same time, most women
recognize the significance of this deeper place in their bodies and would like their man to stay deep
within what we call the “garden of love” that lies at the entrance to the uterus—the cervix. Even if a
woman has had her garden of love area (or the entire uterus) surgically removed for medical reasons,
the energy center remains intact and will continue to be a place where woman longs to be touched.
But in the normal course of events, man usually reverses out again before woman has a chance to say
a word. The place where she is most receptive, most feminine, and best able to experience divine
feminine nectar is not available to her, and thereby not available to her man. When an area is closed
down there is a lack of inner perception or sensitivity, which can affect a woman’s receptivity and
sexual experience.
For example, if a woman has a history of sexual abuse, therapy can help to release the trauma, but
memory fragments usually remain stored on a cellular level in the tissues, disturbing female
receptivity. Fortunately, by the grace of nature, we have been given one magical instrument that can
remove these memories and tensions from a woman and awaken her receptivity and femininity—the
penis. There are other methods of internal vaginal massage that release tensions by using a finger.
However, compared to the magnetic, silky head of the penis, the tip of the finger is almost as rough
and crude as sandpaper. Further, there is no real energetic connection between fingers and vagina
when compared to the inherent electromagnetic potential between penis and vagina.
THE PENIS AS HEALING CATALYST
The head of the penis is like a highly sensitive magnet with the capacity to draw out disturbing
tension. It purifies vaginal tissues, purifying itself in the process, so that there is a reciprocal cycle of
purification. Men have their own accumulated traumas and memories from the way we have used and
abused our penises. And many men have also been victims of childhood sexual abuse, and carry
memories and tensions relating to the experience.
It’s important to realize that the penis is not like a vacuum cleaner that sucks up all the woman’s
tension, leaving you stuck with a full bag. It is more like a catalyst that precipitates the release of
tension. The penis causes tension to be released from the system. Through this process man’s tensions
soften, his male energy gets refined, and the penis loses its overcharge and becomes more supple,
