Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
the surface, offering the opportunity to finally express feelings you may have been storing since
childhood. So if suddenly a lot of tears come up, don’t think, “Oh, now I have to be alone to deal with
my old feelings” (see “golden rules” in chapter 9). No, it is the genital connection that is triggering
the release of old feelings, so just stay together inside each other. Or if suddenly anger pops up,
which can easily happen, you can simply explain, “I’m just really angry, I have to move this energy.”
Then you disconnect and quickly do something physical, like jumping up and down, to burn up the
anger. As soon as you feel the wave of anger has passed, climb back into bed and continue making
love. Through a polarity exchange, purification is happening on both sides, and it changes your whole
experience and sense of yourselves as man and woman.
Self-Healing
We talk more frequently about the abuse of women, because they do suffer more abuse, but many men,
too, are carrying a history of pain, insecurity, and self- or other-inflicted abuse in their bodies, so it is
important to understand that sexual healing is not only for woman. It really is a self-healing that
happens through awareness and channeling and directing energy in a constructive way. After a time
any pains will usually disappear.
Sometimes you might lie in bed and just cry and cry, perhaps not only for yourself, but for all of
humanity. If you allow yourself to be washed through, you will experience how much it empowers
you to feel the pain of humanity flowing through you. So avoid trying to understand what’s going on;
just accept it with gratitude.
When we first met we spent days and days, three weeks crying. I (Michael) don’t know what or
why, except that it was just wonderful. It felt like very old pain, and at the same time was exquisitely
beautiful.
Communicate, Share, Express
As you make love in this way you communicate all of what’s happening—strange feelings, numbness,
beautiful sensations—in simple words. Do not try to explain anything; just acknowledging is enough.
Sometimes when tension is released there is laughter. So whether it is tears, laughter, shivering,
shaking, or sweating, simply allow it and be with it. These are all signs of the body purifying and
detoxifying the cells of past memories.
POSITIONS SUITABLE FOR DEEP, SUSTAINED PENETRATION
Since the painful places can be anywhere in the entire vagina and cervix area, there is quite a lot of
room to explore, and many angles can be used. A variety of positions are suitable, as suggested in the
diagrams (see figures 8.1–8.7). However, even subtle shifts of the penis in the vagina, moving one
centimeter and staying there, represent a shift in position. You do not have to always move your entire
body, but instead reach to different parts of the vagina through subtle shifts in the angle of the pelvis.
Positions are covered in more depth in chapter 7, where the basic guideline is that positions per se
are not as significant as the level of awareness that a person brings to them. Any position is perfect
when it feels right.
Fig. 8.1. Middle position, man kneeling (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)
Fig. 8.2. Middle position, man on hands and knees (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)
Fig. 8.3. Middle position, man lying forward, half kneeling (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)
Fig. 8.4. Rear position with man kneeling
Fig. 8.5. Rear position with man lying on top of woman
Fig. 8.6. Woman sitting on top
Fig. 8.7. Woman kneeling on top
PARTNERING WITH WOMEN
If woman has the garden of love, then we men are the “gardeners of love.” We have to take care,
remove the weeds, and plant roses. When man becomes rooted in his penis as a positive force, he
experiences true male authority with the capacity to heal woman of her past. Sex can be lived as a
spiritual, loving meditative force, becoming the roots of powerful self-healing and transformation.
On the surface it may appear as if man has to tune into woman and do it her way, or that tantra is
for women and not for men, but the issue extends to deeper levels. In making love from the inner
dimension, man will discover his true male authority. He will certainly feel a new authority or
competence when he is able to open the heart of woman with his penis. Allowing woman to be the
guide may be unexpectedly fulfilling. Yes, after thousands of years it does seem intelligent to make a
change, and to realize that it is for male empowerment in the long term. If we want to have more love
in our lives, make love to women, and have women want to make love to us, we have to allow
women to help us to find our true inner man.
Easy, Natural Orgasms
Often woman say, “I don’t really feel that I lose energy with the conventional orgasm. How does this
fit into the picture?” The approach to take regarding orgasm is not to take an approach. You don’t
want to go looking for orgasm, hunting or pushing for it. But when an orgasm happens easily and
naturally, with no effort, then it is beautiful. So first a woman really has to observe and ask herself,
“Am I relaxing into the moment or am I pursuing—even a little bit—orgasm?” In general, if woman
allows the clitoris to be more passive and fade into the background, she will find it easier to take her
awareness higher up into the vagina where her divine energies are accessed.
Woman’s Healing Contribution
Basically women, as the receptive element, are very vulnerable; their one and only defense is to deny
man entry. Women’s no to sex can be a reflection of a painful personal or collective history, but in
either case it’s a by-product of our cultural lack of sexual information. So what a woman can do for
this healing process is to start to say yes to man when he is committed to being conscious inside her.
Woman can begin to allow him in so that healing can begin. She can step beyond sexual politics and
invite the male force inside of her. Through this a tremendous amount of healing is possible for both
woman and man.
Over the centuries sex and love have become two separate things entirely. Much too often sex has
nothing to do with love, but when a woman allows man to enter and be present in her in
consciousness, aspects that have been separated for centuries can reunite. Sex (the lower vibration)
and love (the higher vibration) of the same life force become one expression. When we understand
how bodies cooperate, we can completely change our inherited sexual patterns.
PERSONAL SHARING
The Joy of Feeling Welcome
Tantra helps me to tap in to the unexplored aspects of my being. Even without pursuing the goal of becoming more
conscious of deep-rooted patterns, primal fears come up from time to time while practicing tantra. And at the same time, it
leads me into dimensions, takes me toward energies I would not have reached and felt without tantra and without my wife.
The following situation brings up the most significant sensations: Whenever my penis is softly lying in the vagina of my
wife, its mere presence creates a deep connection between the male and the female pole. I have the sense that I am pulled
in by her vagina, yet I also feel that by my penis stiffening, my male energy is growing into my woman. The sensation of
being pulled in to her vagina is one of the most beautiful feelings that I know. It tells me on a very deep level: “You are
welcome.” One of my deepest fears is that I might not be welcome, so to experience this welcome again and again relaxes
me in the depths of my soul. This fear is a basic fear of all manhood. Many men have confirmed this by sharing with me
that they personally have this primal fear. When I first had this experience of being pulled in to a woman (during the
tantra course) I was simply overwhelmed. I had never expected to experience being so deeply welcomed, ever in my life. I
just cried with joy, but also because such a deep pain started to be released. Today I can honestly say that the fear of not
being welcome, not getting enough and being rejected, has largely been healed.
PERSONAL SHARING
Penis Tension Resolved
Besides the changes on the spiritual-energetic level, I also feel changes on the physical plane. Previously, when I touched
the top of my penis, the sensation was always partly unpleasant. It made me back off inside and become tense. I
experienced that as a defensive tension in the tissue. As far as I can remember, it had always been like that. Four months
after the tantra course, this unpleasant part dissolved and has not returned. I am surprised by this experience, but it
teaches me that my body becomes soft, vulnerable, and receptive through tantra.
The most important experience with tantra is that each time it is different; nothing happens twice in the exact same
way. It’s like life itself—every day brings something new. Therefore, I experience tantra as a precious teacher for my
whole life.
Tantric Inspiration
What is love? Love is the fragrance, the radiance of knowing oneself, of being oneself. . . . Love is overflowing joy.
Love is when you have seen who you are; and then there is nothing left except to share your being with others.
Love is when you have seen that you are not separate from existence. Love is when you have felt an organic
orgasmic unity with all that is. Love is not a relationship. Love is a state of being. It has nothing to do with anybody
else. One is not in love; one is love. And of course, when one is love, one is in love—but that is an outcome, a by-
product, that is not the source. The source is that one is love.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE GUEST
9
MASTERING LOVE AND OVERCOMING EMOTIONS
Tantra sees human energy in terms of polarity: feminine energy as “being” and masculine energy as
“doing.” Within woman, the inner masculine is active, logical, and result oriented; and in man, the
inner feminine is receptive, intuitive, and process oriented. Tantra takes a step further to say that the
highest spiritual polarity in existence is love and meditation, that woman embodies love and man
embodies meditation. This implies that woman’s inner man is meditative and man’s inner woman is
loving.
To be whole human beings, operating with wisdom, passion, authenticity, and spontaneity, we need
to master both energies: masculine and feminine, meditation and love. Woman becomes more
meditative the more she loves, and man becomes more loving the more he meditates. In more precise
sexual language, to love in woman means to welcome the penis in and surrender to its power, and to
meditate in man means to merge with, and become fully present in, his penis, inside woman, in
stillness.
DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS
Deep personal and societal wounding prevents many of us from balancing our energies in a way that
serves us. We repress the memories of our hurts, suppress our real feelings and energies, and then
unconsciously begin to control or manipulate others, or fail to channel our energies in a wise or
creative direction. As we change the way we make love, we initiate an alchemical process of
awakening the inner, opposite polarity, which will, in time, enable us to use both energies powerfully
and productively. This, in turn, helps us to dissolve emotional patterns that have caused us pain in the
past and enables us to create the life and love we long for in the present.
To create the life of sustained, loving harmony that so many of us wish for, an important step is to
keep emotion out of love. As Osho says, “Love is a state of being,” and “One is not in love, one is
love . . . it has nothing to do with anybody else.” With the new input about harnessing polarity and our
orgasmic potential, we might be able to conceive of days of “being love” as a sustained state that is
not associated with the highs and lows of relationships. But what about these highs and the painfully
difficult, emotion-laden lows, when love becomes scrambled up with irreconcilable feelings and
fears? Despair or resignation can set in when a couple can see no way out of the cycle of conflicts.
Regaining our power in love is dependent on knowing the difference between feelings and
emotions, knowing that “love has to be separated from this category of emotions.” (See the tantric
inspiration at the end of this chapter.) It is crucial to understand that emotion comes from the past,
while love and true feelings arise in the present. When too much “emotional baggage” from the past
gets dragged into everyday life, love is quick to wane; love flourishes in the delicacy of the now. That
doesn’t mean emotion is some kind of demon. Emotion is understandable, but it’s important to be
aware that you are emotional and to know what is happening, when it is happening. The recognition of
emotionality causes a big shift in the maturity of an individual and a couple.
Symptoms of Emotion
Until now we have had no frame of reference to understand what is truly going on in the split second
