Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
soften, his male energy gets refined, and the penis loses its overcharge and becomes more supple,
pliable, sensitive, and relaxed.
This is very good news, because while an unconscious penis can cause a lot of damage, a
conscious penis can create tremendous healing. One of the reasons why the world is suffering from so
much war and so many natural disasters is that male and female forces are out of balance. Over the
centuries woman (and the feminine energy) has not been treated at all nicely, and while it’s perhaps
less obvious in Western society, the way woman is still treated today in some cultures is shocking.
Man has used and abused woman for his own selfish reasons and when she was no longer interesting,
thrown her away and taken another woman. Frequently woman is also used by man to discharge his
inner tensions and emotions (see chapter 9). Even if this is not your personal history as a man, the
collective human memories over centuries are probably stored in every woman.
Conscious Love Can Heal the Past
By entering woman consciously, in love and presence, man can have an impact on the larger planetary
imbalance. It’s as if woman is burdened with this collective past that she cannot shake off, but which
can be “displaced” and released by a conscious, loving penis—freeing woman and bringing her back
to her essential self, which is love. And in purifying woman of her tensions, man is also purified.
There is an innate circle of reciprocity; man heals and balances woman, who in turn heals and
balances man. By welcoming man in at this level, woman brings him into a state of purity, relaxation,
and love (as opposed to fostering the insecure, defensive, and aggressive stance that leads to war).
Nature is truly remarkable.
There is a beautiful talk by Barry Long called “Love Brings All to Life,” in which he recounts the
Greek myth of Pygmalion (see Recommended Books and Resources). Pygmalion was a sculptor who
carved a life-sized statue of what he considered to be the perfect woman—the woman of his dreams.
He worked passionately, and when he was finally finished, he fell in love with her. He caressed and
admired his idealized woman in stone with so much tenderness, so much love and longing that the
statue came to life.
Long perceived contemporary women as being in a similar situation. Woman comes into this world
already a bit hard, a bit stoney and protective, and for very good reason. She has been abused and
misused for much too long, so she is often born with defenses and not truly open to love. Long said
that like Pygmalion, man must use the power of his love to soften and melt woman so that she can give
up her hardness and protection and return to being pure love.
Female versus Male Essence
Woman in her essence is pure, unconditional love. Man in his essence is pure presence, pure
meditation. There are two ways, or polarities, on the spiritual path: one is of love and devotion, and
the other is of meditation, presence, and being here now. Osho says these are the two highest
polarities in existence; love is female, and presence is male. As woman relaxes in love, meditation or
presence grows by itself. As man relaxes into meditation and being present, unconditional and pure
love grows by itself.
Through cellular purification woman can once again experience her birthright as pure love.
Likewise, man learns to relax into his essence rooted in the present and, very specifically, present in
woman in his penis. This is what a woman most wants from a man, that he be present to her. She is
not so interested in a great performance as a lover, but that man be present to her while he is inside
her. Some men may question this, because often women ask for hard and aggressive sex, but this is
more a reflection of her sexual conditioning whereby she has become slightly male herself. It is up to
woman to examine this response pattern in herself.
STAYING PRESENT
The capacity to be present really defines what it means to be a man, particularly in light of our
cultural confusion. Men are looking for some kind of male authority, but what does it actually mean to
be a man? It is nothing less or more than the capacity to be present.
If man can be present in woman—not enter her with a hungry or demanding penis (an emotional
penis, see chapter 9), but with a penis that is loving in the here and now—then the penis can begin to
“catalyze” what has accumulated in the female body and allow her to relax and transform into pure
love—the true quality of woman. For a man there is nothing more gratifying than to see transformation
happening before your eyes. Far from being a burden or a job, it feels more like a noble task, an
honor to be in woman in a conscious way. To be a chosen one. It gives me (Michael) a certain trust in
myself—a male authority. Many men confide at the end of the retreat that they finally have a
constructive vision of manhood, and that it is a life-changing experience. And yes, when you
cooperate with your sexual nature you do mature and emerge as more of a man. You are more present,
relaxed, and connected to your being; you are a more loving human being.
Altering History
Man can do tremendous damage to woman because she represents the container, the space, the
environment. Man can leave all his tensions there for selfish reasons, but by putting himself in a
larger frame of mind, he actually has the power to change the course of history. That which has been
out of balance for thousands of years can start to change today.
There are no mass solutions for the world’s problems. There is only one solution, and it starts with
this man and this woman. If you can bring the balance back, here in this couple create harmony
between man and woman, you do true peace work for the world. And really, there is no other way.
You will see that when balance is created here, in the relationship, it radiates out to the world in a
palpable way. So sometimes perhaps we feel, “Oh, this is boring . . . not so exciting.” Always put
yourself into a bigger frame of mind, remembering that we are connected to a much greater energy
field encompassing all of us.
DEEP, SUSTAINED PENETRATION
How do we go about deepening polarity, purification, and healing on a practical level? When
erection is present you enter the vagina very slowly (see chapter 6), and you look for places that feel
painful, strange, weird, or numb—and you stay exactly on that spot. Sensitive, painful spots can be
anywhere—just inside the entrance of the vagina, along the walls, or in the upper regions, the “garden
of love.” Woman will help you to identify these places. We suggest you maintain soft eye contact as
described in chapter 7. Open eyes help to keep you present and available, and subtle reactions and
responses expressed in her eyes can sometimes give you information about what is happening
internally.
Usually pain is something we avoid; we do not like to touch sensitive areas, naturally, because
doing so is painful. But now we are intentionally looking for them. Pain or lack of sensitivity
(deadness) indicates held tension and memories in the vaginal tissues. By going in there very
consciously, with great awareness, it’s possible to contact these areas with the penis. Woman will
usually allow this because you do not push into the pain, you just want to gently contact the pain. You
make a “porous” contact with the area. You don’t want to push hard against the vaginal walls,
because that would reinforce woman’s protective instinct. You find a sensitive area, and then you pull
back a hairsbreadth—more like a withdrawal of intention. This creates space for an interaction of
energies, so that things can shift. You just stay there without moving; you sustain the contact in the
depths. Your woman can use simple words to communicate what is happening, and you can do the
same. This begins a journey of discovery over a period of time, touching all sides of the vagina, the
entire canal, seeking out those areas we usually avoid.
If a woman has pain at the very entrance of the vagina, you can just place the head of your penis
there and let it rest. Often penetration becomes very painful when women go through menopause, and
this approach relaxes the tension. If the movement of the penis in the vagina has a burning sensation
for a woman, it can mean that the entry is too fast. Ask your woman if she feels any burning. If she
does, stop, withdraw half an inch or so, and wait for a little while to enable the vaginal tissues to
soften and relax. Then move again, very slowly, and stop as soon as your woman again reports
burning sensations. At times an additional, generous application of oil to the head of the penis and to
the vaginal lips and opening will counteract any burning sensations.
Some women experience painful penetration throughout their sexual lives. Recently a woman in our
group had a pain-free penetration for the very first time in her life, after forty years of every sexual
experience being painful. Just the head of the penis can do so much healing, so try this healing
approach any time you wish. Let it be a new orientation. Pain is interesting; it is a doorway, and there
is usually treasure hidden behind that pain.
Loss of Erection
When you find painful areas and stay in contact with them, you might suddenly start to lose your
erection. Usually when this happens we will try to get the erection back as fast as possible, but now
in this new situation we understand that this is the way the penis does the job. When the penis has
done its job, it is going to be relaxed, naturally. Like everything in life, there is an active phase and a
passive phase, but in sex we want an active erection all the time, 100 percent.
If you accept this relaxation of the penis from time to time and do not interfere with its withdrawal,
you allow your penis the opportunity to regenerate. Often, just as the penis is about to slip out of the
vagina entirely, it will again begin reaching out, spiraling upward and erecting in the vagina (see
chapter 6). Soon you may get the feeling that the genitals themselves are making love and that actually
they know how to do it better. It is almost like handing the intelligence back to the body, and it is such
a remarkable experience that you can almost lean back and watch the show.
Trust Your Penis
The experience of my penis responding of its own accord gives me a trust in myself, because
basically we men do not trust our penises; they are not completely reliable. But when I know that this
is going to be the process, then I can trust my penis, and that gives me trust in myself as a man. I no
longer feel I need to be strong or ambitious, need to prove this and that. My definition of man has
changed. The only thing that is required from me, as man, is to be present, to develop the capacity to
be here now. Then miracles are possible.
When there is erection, you enter as far as you can go and sustain the penetration; you stay where
you are. We call this deepening polarity through deep, sustained penetration, because as the woman
gets more receptive, man gets more dynamic, and the potential between male and female poles
increases. In general in your life, as a style of lovemaking, you begin to “hang out” deep in the vagina,
allowing the dynamic and receptive forces to start to play with each other. Here woman is “minus”
while man is “plus,” and any obstructions (tensions) lying in the way of this moving magnetic force
are displaced so that healing, purification, and regeneration can take place.
The effects of deep, sustained penetration also work with and through condoms; the energy
exchange is relatively unaffected (see more about condoms in chapter 6).
Effectiveness and Penis Length
Some men worry that the penis may not be long enough to reach all the way up to the “garden of
love.” Both women and men have reported to us that the cervix also seems to be drawn downward as
it reaches for the head of the penis. Always remind yourself that these are energetic phenomena, not
purely physical, and the energy exchange works in any case. Even with a soft, relaxed penis that
remains still within the first couple of inches of the vagina, purification and healing is taking place.
Unexpected Ejaculation
During deep, sustained penetration, at times a woman’s buried tensions are suddenly discharged
down the vagina, almost like a rush or wave of excitement. This can easily cause a man to ejaculate
instantly, without any warning. Should it happen, do not feel something went wrong—it’s a natural
part of the purification process.
ALLOW OLD FEELINGS TO SURFACE
As you make love and pay attention to places in the vagina that are painful or numb, it is likely that for
your partner tears, sadness, or anger may come to the surface. You yourself might experience similar
feelings. This is all good. These feelings are trapped and held in the body, and the old must come out
to create space for the new. Expressing previously unexpressed feelings (see chapter 9) cleanses our
poles, our genitals, and our bodies become more sensitive and sensitized. One becomes increasingly
receptive, the other increasingly dynamic.
Don’t try to figure out what’s happening when old, buried feelings or emotions emerge. Thinking
about what is going on distances you from the experience, so just stay with the feelings and allow
them to flow. Sometimes spontaneous understanding will occur, an insight into the source of the pain,
but not necessarily. Healing takes place in any event.
If uncomfortable feelings start to arise, be aware that it is not the fault of your partner. Your partner
is simply a trigger to help you to retrieve the past. Old feelings stored in the cells are going to rise to
the surface, offering the opportunity to finally express feelings you may have been storing since
