Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
LET GO!: A DARSHAN DIARY
7
DATES, FOREPLAY, KISSING, AND POSITIONS
MAKE LOVE DATES
Knowing you are going to have sex can really be a big turn-on. Nothing beats looking at your diary
and seeing that from 6 to 9 p.m. tonight you have an appointment with your partner—to make love!
You know that today, for sure, it’s going to happen, which is not generally guaranteed under ordinary
circumstances. How many times does your woman brush you aside before she lets you be close?
Several years ago there was a story about the famous musician, Sting, and although we don’t know
whether or not it’s true, it makes the point about women’s general lack of availability in a humorous
way. According to the story, Sting made a comment to the press about his sex life, making himself
almost as famous for this as for his music. His claim that he had made love for six hours or so caused
an international stir. Some weeks later, or so the story goes, he clarified his statement by explaining
that five of the six hours had consisted of begging.
Initially, setting a fixed time for sex may seem somewhat strange, because we have the idea that sex
ought to be spontaneous—without preparation or premeditation. In fact, sex is rarely truly
spontaneous, but happens more on an accidental or habitual basis. Sexual thoughts accompany man
throughout his every day, but although he makes endless appointments for other things, no time or
space is consciously set aside for the actual act of sex. Real sex (as opposed to virtual sex, which is
increasing at an alarming rate since the advent of the Internet) appears to be low on a man’s list of
priorities. After work, socializing, putting the kids to bed, and watching TV, then perhaps (if he’s not
too tired) sex will happen. Hopefully, but not necessarily.
Attunement and Relaxation
With guaranteed sex on the horizon, you will perhaps observe yourself feeling more positive, present,
and enthusiastic about being alive. You’ll feel more at ease knowing that sex will happen, that your
partner has actually agreed to meet you and make love. The knowing allows you to settle into yourself
in advance, bringing awareness to your body, your legs, perineum, and breath. Inwardly preparing for
sex is an effective form of foreplay.
Set aside three or more hours for lovemaking, if possible. It probably sounds like a lot right now,
but after a bit of experimentation, three hours may turn out to be a bit on the short side. If three-hour
slots are difficult to carve out for yourselves, then settle for one or two hours. Sometimes give
yourself an entire day in bed, with breaks for meals and so on. When lovemaking transpires several
times on the same day, bodily ease deepens to the extent that bodies enter a state of spontaneous
letting-go, undulating, moving, and dancing of their own accord in a divine choreography. In states
such as these, the bodies are unable to stop, so you find yourself making love for hours, totally
absorbed, present to each split second, unaware of the passage of time.
The Tantric Quickie
The tantric quickie is also highly recommended. Soft penetration for ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes is
a perfect way to start off the day. It brings you back home to yourself before you leave home and
allows you to relax into the center of your being, which transforms the quality of the day ahead. Last
thing at night is also perfect for a tantric quickie, or during an afternoon nap on the weekend. Soft
union without erection is so simple and easy; just slip it in, no big performance needed, no great
expenditure of energy. You just connect the genitals, relax into the moment, and become present in
your body.
Quite possibly the experience of jumping into sex at a fixed time every day feels clinical and
unromantic. Also, putting the unerect penis into the vagina (as described in chapter 6) may feel
somewhat cold-blooded and technical. You may even feel shy and self-conscious because you are
used to making love in the dark or being more concealed. Don’t give concerns such as these too much
attention, because first impressions fade quickly. Conscious meetings in broad daylight where
everything is natural and out in the open are a dream come true for many of us. How easy is this?
How sane and sensible is this? Both people are present, willing, and committed. It is ordinary, yet
extraordinary. Any initial feelings of awkwardness will soon be replaced by the joy of simplicity and
ordinariness, in which you can connect with yourself and your partner in a relaxed and relaxing way.
FOREPLAY
The majority of women, when pressed, will admit that the usual ways men touch and stimulate them
actually turn them off. This is sobering news, but relaxing, too, because it means there is less fumbling
and guesswork required. A perfect guideline for foreplay: “It’s not what you do, but how you do it.”
Presence and Awareness, the Greatest Aphrodisiac
Osho says, “Tantra denies nothing, but transforms everything,” which means that awareness changes
the situation; any action carried out with awareness is transformed through awareness itself. This
basically means that almost anything goes when we are aware, consenting parties. Best is to keep
everything simple, innocent, and exploratory, not following any program or putting yourselves under
any pressure. Get into your body and enjoy being in it. Touch, stroke, kiss, embrace, and stay in the
awareness. Stay present in each and every movement or gesture, with nowhere special to go, being
innocent in the simplicity of the situation.
Any kind of touch should bring about an expansion of the other person’s energy field, not a
contraction. Foreplay becomes simple with the realization that there is no need to excite your partner
to make her horny. Excitement will often cause a contraction of the energy field, and any hard or
pressuring physical touch will do the same. Try feather-light touches instead.
What women respond to is man’s presence and awareness, and awareness is basically effortless
when compared to all the usual action in sex. Of course it initially takes effort to maintain presence,
but it becomes increasingly familiar and effortless with practice. Presence is easily accessed through
the body, and it takes time for an individual to relax into a cellular experience of self, which naturally
captures or holds one in the present.
Patience
Foreplay is not so significant for men, because the male positive pole is more or less ever ready, but
women definitely appreciate being given time to warm up to love. A woman requires space to relax
into her body, her senses, and her receptivity. As an equal and opposite force, this prerequisite is a
basic need for her, as explained in chapter 4. Patience and a selfless approach will pay off for the
man in the long term. Patience is not some kind of obligation, but simply realizing, accepting, and
appreciating that woman (whom you wish to enter physically) is different from you and needs time to
open internally before the marvelous experience of entering and joining with her can be of any true
value.
Barry Long said that for man, “Patience is the beginning of stillness.” Stillness is a quieting of the
system and the lessening of thoughts, staying present in the body and inwardly “holding the space.” It
is simply being in the here and now, resting in your body and being, present to woman. It is not
turning her on, but opening and accessing her, supporting her to relax and melt into herself, giving her
the feeling of being at home and at ease. If the initial pace is easy, relaxed, and slow, lovemaking is
more likely to be filled with timeless delight and pleasure.
Losing Your Erection
Waiting for, or being with, a woman as her body opens means that most probably you will lose your
initial erection, if you have one. Don’t worry if this happens! An erection can easily return in an
atmosphere of loving presence and awareness. And if not, who cares? You always have the five-star
option of soft entry without erection.
Remember, true erection is a by-product of consciousness, love, and presence. It is a magical
electromagnetic response to a unique set of circumstances, as explained in chapter 6, which deals
with erection in more detail.
The Role of Women’s Breasts in Male Erection
The wisest place to give a woman loving attention is her breasts. Woman experience their deepest
orgasmic experiences through melting into their breasts. As mentioned earlier, in chapter 4, breasts
are the positive dynamic poles of the female body, from which sexual energy is awakened. After
some time of relaxing into her breasts (and being supported by her man), a woman will usually feel an
overflow, experience a vibrant response, in her vagina. Woman’s body then becomes filled with a
deep yearning for penetration, and her body and being give an unconditional “yes.” When a woman
has a strong inner connection to her breasts, the spontaneous erection response is likely to happen
more easily (as described in chapter 6).
Woman needs to feel her own breasts for herself, from within. You cannot do the internal feeling
for her, but you can definitely create the situation that helps her to feel into, and sense, her breasts
from the inside. You can touch both breasts at the same time if you are in a position that allows for a
two-hand hold. Otherwise, touching just one breast is also fine, and the woman may wish to touch her
other breast herself.
How to Hold the Breasts
With open hands, cup the breasts while lifting upward from underneath them. Let the hand contact be
“porous,” not compressing or squashing the sensitive breast tissue. Then take your attention into your
hands; relax your hands, arms, and shoulders; and simply be present and melt into your hands and into
her breasts. Mold your hands to fit the contours. Send love, light, warmth, energy, and good vibrations
through your hands into the woman’s breasts.
There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, especially the favored radio-tuner style. Some
women become hypersensitive to direct touch of the nipples. For other women, nipple stimulation
raises the level of excitement and sometimes triggers orgasm (for both), so they choose to keep things
cool. Talk about what kind of touch or hold feels good and helps your woman gain an inner
connection to her breasts. Reaching around her body to hold her breasts while you embrace her from
behind (right hand—right breast, left hand—left breast) can be a beautifully opening and healing
experience for a woman. Right hand on the left breast, left hand on the right breast is also a
possibility, where man’s arms cross over in front of woman’s body. But be careful when crossing the
arms. Doing so can make the embrace too tight, which squashes the woman, effectively compressing
her energy field and her capacity for relaxation and expansion. She may want to escape your hold
instead.
In the situation where a woman has had surgical removal of her breast or breasts, the deeper energy
centers remain unaffected. Women will continue to feel the expansion of energy in the breasts even in
the absence of the physical breast.
Basically with women there are no general rules to be made. What works one day may not
necessarily work the next day. Women are very sensitive to any signs of male intention. Woman can
feel immediately if a man has intention behind his touch, and this very often closes down her body.
Drop your agendas and programming when you are with a woman. Just be present in yourself and in
your heart, sharing your being, touching, and caressing with love. Finding a touch without intention is
a subtle art.
In the past it may have appeared that a woman functions counter to the man, in that she demands
this, needs that, and has many preconditions to be satisfied before she opens sexually. But we now
realize that the obstacle is due to a misunderstanding about her body, and not some kind of mental
resistance, personality difference, or lack of interest in sex. Sadly, during the lifetime of a woman the
female sexual energy is not often awakened sufficiently for her to have deep orgasmic experiences.
By beginning with her breasts instead of stimulating her clitoris, you will access a woman’s sexual
energy on a profound inner level. The more a man is able to simply wait for his woman’s sexual
temperature to rise, to meet and equal his own sexual temperature, the more satisfying the sexual
experience is likely to be. Man’s deepest longing is to bring woman to orgasmic fulfillment and feel
her love flowing toward him.
Oral Sex and Masturbation
Oral sex and mutual masturbation are given a great deal of emphasis in the conventional style of sex
because of their stimulating and exciting effects. When we start to create a more relaxed and sensitive
environment, the need for stimulation is reduced. So it is possible that in time some things that you
previously enjoyed or gave a value to slip out of significance because they no longer serve you. Many
men have told us that they reduced their masturbation habit when they experienced how it was having
a desensitizing effect on the tissues of the penis.
You may also find another way to do the same thing, remembering that “tantra denies nothing but
transforms everything.” Touch yourself or the other with love and awareness. Bring their or your
body to life, a state of being awake and alert. Get into your senses and sensuality. Expand the
pleasure through relaxation. Explore the valleys long before you think of heading for the peak, or
