Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
rather than as an intention to “be careful.” When a man is conscious, he also becomes more confident.
Awareness, Slowness, and Sensitivity
The greatest advantage of awareness, of being conscious during penetration, is that you can feel
“into” the penis on a cellular level. Finally you have the time and there is nowhere to go (toward
ejaculation), so you can instead focus your attention inside the penis itself. Listening to the penis and
becoming aware of its gradual movement greatly increases its sensitivity and allows the perception of
inner, fine, cellular, delicate, delightful sensations that expand throughout the body. An unhurried,
aimless, no goals approach is vital to making this possible.
Ecstatic, thrilling, touching experiences occur through a correspondence of opposites. In fitting
snugly together with sustained contact, penis and vagina respond to each other according to an innate
intelligence. The penis is a powerful instrument able to generate divine states of ecstasy when
arriving in its truly complementary environment.
Deep, Sustained Penetration
As a general orientation, when there is erection and the possibility of gradual, sensitive penetration,
the penetration should be sustained in the depths of the vagina. (This subject is also dealt with in
chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority. Both chapters should be read in order to grasp the full
implications of remaining deep inside woman.) This means that when you eventually arrive (after the
minutes given to the first journey down the canal), you remain with the penis inside, resting in the
depths, and do not immediately withdraw in order to repeat the movement. Instead, take the time to
intentionally bring your entire awareness into the penis and “be” your penis, attempting to sense the
tissues from within, to merge and melt with them. You do not force your penis into woman, but you
force your awareness, your point of attention, into your penis, remaining at the same time relaxed and
observing. These are two very different experiences for both parties involved.
At the end of the vagina lies the extremely sensitive cervix; and as already mentioned, it can be
indescribably painful if the penis head aggressively hits this spot, so it is important to arrive here
with sensitivity. When you arrive at the end of the canal or as far as you can go or whenever you have
the feeling that the penis head is pushing into the walls with pressure anywhere along the way, it’s
very important to drop back a hairsbreadth or two. This minute fraction of space removes any
pressure and intention, and creates “breathing room” for the “porous” contact that is required for an
energy exchange. When the push is purely physical and hard, the vaginal cells withdraw and close in
response. When the contact is subtle, gentle, easy, and spacious, the cells are able to relax and open.
Sometimes during penetration the penis will encounter pains held in the vagina, a topic that will be
covered specifically in chapter 8 on sexual healing, along with diagrams of suitable positions for
deep, sustained penetration.
Lubrication—the Secret of Sensual Penetration
A slippery, smooth, silky, slow, sensual penetration simply has to be one of life’s greatest joys, for
both man and woman. Use lubricant without hesitation and with pleasure, and use it every time. Oil
the penis, the vaginal lips, and the entrance. It’s a great part of foreplay, especially when woman does
the oiling. Oil was used by Taoists thousands of years ago and is said to reduce bacteria levels in the
vagina. Use thin, fragrance-free vegetable oil, such as almond oil. It is also suggested that woman
hold her lips/labia open when man is about to enter her. Using both hands, she clears the entrance
from any obstructing skin folds and holds her hands in position for a while. This assistance guarantees
a smooth, pleasurable journey.
Vaginal Dryness
Without high levels of stimulation woman is less likely to become “wet,” which is quite normal.
Also, when women approach menopause and suffer from dryness, penetration can become difficult,
painful, or impossible. With a slow, conscious, oily penis, miracles are possible. Women who have
not been able to make love for years are able to get back into it with ease. Gradually, in time, the
vaginal tissues relax, regenerate, and naturally become more moist.
Condoms
Condoms are sometimes necessary for contraception or health reasons, and are without doubt a layer
between man and his sensitivity. However, according to people who have used them and our own
personal experience, man is capable of feeling the delicate, subtle, electromagnetic exchange through
condoms. The basic sensitivity is not seriously affected or compromised.
If condoms are used, don’t use oil as a lubricant; oil destroys rubber and compromises
contraception. Use only water-based gels, which can be obtained from a pharmacy. This is a good
moment to stress the importance of genital hygiene and daily cleansing of the penis, particularly
underneath the foreskin.
While on the subject of contraception, it is important to acknowledge here that a woman responds
to sexual invitations much more readily if there is no fear of pregnancy. Such fear can definitely
contribute to a woman’s reluctance or lack of availability during her fertile years. If man is willing to
take responsibility for contraception, either in taking care of himself or supporting his woman to take
the appropriate care in the moment and not in theory, he is helping himself enormously. Some men
choose the option of a vasectomy as a solution for contraception, and from time to time we receive
queries asking if vasectomy disturbs male potency. We can say with confidence that vasectomy does
not appear to affect male potency and may even increase potency, in that it allows woman to be more
free with herself. Relieved of concerns about conception, she can be more spontaneous and may also
wish to make love with greater frequency.
Soft Penetration—Entry without Erection
Soft entry is a pure and simple alternative when there is no erection. It completely eliminates the
pressure of having to have an erection in order to have sex. Given the general lack of stimulation, not
having an erection is quite normal and nothing to be concerned about. Soft entry actually bypasses
many erection concerns and issues, and gives us a humble, human way to get our bodies together. The
advantage of a soft start is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their
temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and, with practice, can happen in the flash
of a second. There are two possibilities: man puts his penis inside woman, or woman puts the penis
inside her. We recommend the second option.
Man Initiates Soft Penetration
Man kneels between woman’s open legs, as seen in figure 6.1. Woman can place a flat, firm cushion
underneath her buttocks. The lifted position raises the level of the pelvis and brings the vagina closer
to the penis. Woman holds her labia open, as described earlier, and man introduces the head of the
penis into the entrance of the vagina using his fingers. Push the head in a little bit (be sure your
fingernails are trimmed), move the fingers back a few centimeters, and insert the penis a little further
into the vagina. Step by step, wiggle and walk the penis inside the entrance.
When the penis is in the vagina as far as you can manage (even the head is a good start), remain
kneeling and bring the pelvises together. Or lower yourself down on top of your partner, holding
yourself up with your arms. Or lie forward on your partner and then roll onto your sides, man
remaining between woman’s legs.
Woman Initiates Soft Entry
The easiest and most comfortable position for soft penetration is the side position called scissors,
because of the scissor-like interlacing of the legs. The advantage of the scissors position is that
nobody is on top and nobody is underneath, which is indeed very relaxing. Man is on his side, while
woman is lying on her back with her legs inserted, scissors fashion, between man’s legs. You can stay
in this position for several hours quite easily. From scissors position any number of other positions
can be reached, which will be elaborated on in chapter 7.
Fig. 6.1. This figure shows man in the middle position suitable for soft entry
Fig. 6.2. The scissors position for soft penetration
Bring your legs together, as shown in figure 6.2. The scissors position can be assumed from either
man’s left side or his right side, and it’s a good idea to change sides regularly to avoid getting
habituated (and therefore less alert) to one side only. Woman opens her legs, opens her labia, and
then reaches for the penis, which has been oiled in advance. By now it’s probably not so soft, so the
entering is made even easier.
The first two fingers of one hand (short nails so as not to scratch the vagina) are put behind the
head of the penis and squeezed firmly to get a grip (see fig. 6.3). The same two fingers on the other
hand can stabilize the penis at the base. Woman pulls the head toward the vagina and inserts it in the
entrance. Fingers are moved back a few centimeters, then gradually walked step-by-step into the
vagina. At first the head may be as far as it gets, but with practice, it does get perfect. Woman must
avoid looking between her legs during this delicate operation because the tightening of her abdominal
muscles (needed to lift up the head to look) will also tighten the vagina and make penetration difficult,
if not impossible. Looking is fine as you get set up, but then lie back and relax before you initiate the
insertion.
Then move the pelvises together, joining firmly in connection. If by any chance man rolls back
slightly—which pulls the penis out—wedge a flat pillow from behind, under his pelvis/buttocks. The
pillow wedge tilts man’s body forward slightly and stabilizes the position. Pillows can be used for
support wherever needed, for instance, under the calf/knee of man’s upper leg. This also reduces the
weight on woman’s body, as well as giving man a floating feeling. Be sure to get yourselves as
comfortable as possible so that your systems can relax. Small discomforts can be distractions, and
instead of delighting in your inner pleasures, you tune in to your lack of comfort.
Fig. 6.3. Woman’s finger position behind penis head
SPONTANEOUS ERECTION AND IMPOTENCE
Spontaneous erection within the vagina is not something that can be expected or demanded of the
body. It is a by-product of a special constellation of factors, among which are awareness, presence,
relaxation, and love.
Erection Responsibility is Shared
Until now, whether he likes it or not, erection has been considered man’s job, which has been a big
part of his performance pressure. Conventionally, erection usually depends on stimulation and
excitement, and many anxieties or fears about erection can cause a disturbance in the psyche, perhaps
becoming expressed in distorted ways.
As a partnership continues, a man can easily experience a lack of erection because of a lack of
excitement. The woman is known, the situation is known, and the routine is known, so there is nothing
to get him really excited. However, with a new vision of sex we realize that excitement is not
necessarily a basic ingredient of the sexual experience.
Erection is definitely possible without stimulation and excitement when a man begins to trust his
penis. A true erection is an electromagnetic response to the equal and opposite force exerted by the
vagina. From a soft state, the penis can slowly rise as a direct response to the vagina surrounding it.
The female force plays an equal role; through receptivity it starts to “draw” and effectively pulls the
penis into an erection, millimeter by millimeter. The penis unfolds like a slow snake winding upward
in a circular spiraling motion. Erection without stimulation or excitement can also happen when in
close proximity to a woman. The female force exerts an influence on the male force without your
actually being inside her. Men say that it is as if the penis awakens in the atmosphere of love created
through presence and awareness
A spontaneous erection is one that arises out of the moment, due to the polarity between dynamic
and receptive forces and the presence two people bring into the situation. Erections that arise
spontaneously do not require stimulation or fantasy to keep them going; they simply need presence and
awareness. The instant one person’s attention wavers, the penis starts to wind back down, coiling like
a snake. Quickly retrieving one’s presence and releasing distracting thoughts will cause the erection
to grow again. The penis is capable of performing a snake dance within woman—a miraculous
experience for any man.
Lack of Sensitivity
The first few times soft penetration is tried, most men will find that they do not “feel” much in their
penises (as mentioned earlier). This is very common and will change as soon as the penis adjusts to a
new way of being used and perceived by man. This insensitivity is due to a long history of
stimulation, so for it to be a little numb is not really surprising. The way to retrieve sensitivity is to
relax into woman, spend as much time inside her as possible, and take full consciousness down into
your penis. Begin to “be” inside the penis, treat it with love, and gradually sensitivity will return.
Usually the woman is able to feel your penis, even if you cannot perceive it. She is usually very
