Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
years. The same is true for man. On an encouraging note, once a man of eighty years attended a
couple’s workshop with his wife of seventy-six; four years later they continue to have genital union as
a daily practice. Their motivation in attending was to have one more adventure in life, and they both
report a vastly improved quality of life; each day is a joy and filled with love.
When man enters a woman before her body is “open,” it is similar to butting his head against a
closed door. You can get only so far, but no further. However, when you have the keys to the door,
you will find it opens easily and often. When man accepts the fact that woman is basically slower
than he and her system requires preparation, then his sexual experiences will begin to transform into
empowering acts of love.
Energy flows from positive to negative. This is the direction of movement, penis into vagina. A
doorway opens, energy moves. When woman is vibrantly receptive, the direct connection between
penis and vagina forms one vital unit. There is a flow and exhange of energy, potency, and life force.
The Diminished Role of the Clitoris in Tantric Sex
The vagina naturally has greater significance (for both men and women) than the clitoris because it is
understood to be the receptacle for man’s dynamic force. Normally the clitoris is considered to be the
saving grace, the sun around which everything revolves, because clitoral stimulation can easily, but
not necessarily, bring woman to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation will intensify excitement, which can, in
fact, have a subtly disturbing effect on the cellular receptivity of the vagina. This tension in turn
disturbs the capacity of woman to accept and receive the dynamic force into her. Clitoral stimulation
elicits sexual desire but causes tension and confusion in the vaginal vibration, and the potential of the
penetration is reduced.
Basic to experiencing higher states is maintaining a lower level of excitement, as introduced in
chapter 2. A cool, nonstimulating approach allows the vagina to remain free of tension, able to
maintain a relaxed, receptive atmosphere. If a woman is able to monitor her own excitement, to relax
into her body rather than work at building up the intensity, she is less likely to inadvertently trigger
man’s ejaculation. Likewise, if man does not attempt to excite his woman, ejaculation can be
postponed and lovemaking can be extended for hours.
A woman can get a bit fixated on her clitoris because of the pleasure and intensity experienced
though these nerve endings. Sometimes it can be challenging to let go of things we know and have
enjoyed. All the same, an elevation of sexual experience requires curiosity and intelligence by both
partners and a willingness to explore the unknown. (See chapter 8 for more about the clitoris.)
Female Sexual Energy is Raised in the Breasts
The big question is now how to knock on heaven’s door. The true way to expand female sexual
energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts, which
signifies a shift from negative pole to positive pole in woman. The breasts are the positive, dynamic
pole from which energy is awakened, the key to accessing the female body. Energy can only be raised
from a positive, dynamic pole and not from a passive, receptive pole. First the breasts need to
become energized and filled with awareness (and this takes time), and then as a result the vagina will
respond and become an invitation. Through merging with her breasts a woman is capable of
experiencing the most profound orgasmic states. The vagina/clitoris, which is the usual starting point
in conventional sex, is—energetically speaking—the passive, receptive pole in the female body. In
truth, the vagina can only become fully alive and energized via the positive and dynamic pole of the
breasts.
When man knows that the breasts are the doorway, the access to woman, his approach can be
simpler and more informed, with less guessing or fiddling around to find the clitoris and get it just
right. Instead, loving attention can be given to the breasts, which doesn’t even require much effort on
man’s part. It is more a matter of “being” in your hands, without any intention or agenda lying behind
the touch. A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect.
There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a
feather-light brush once or twice. Some women have hypersensitive nipples, so it’s best to find out
what suits your woman. (See more on breasts and foreplay in chapter 7.)
Ancient tantric wisdom makes it possible to initiate a thrilling journey of self-discovery, the
outcome of which is the true experience of masculinity. This requires a revolutionary reevaluation of
sex and the discovery that the “how” of sex plays a profound role in maintaining an active sex life and
a loving, joyful relationship. The key is to treat woman as complementary and not the same. Any
limitation in the sexual experience of woman inevitably limits the sexual experience of man. If woman
is adversely affected through a lack of orgasmic experiences, then so is man, even if he is not aware
of this.
SHIFT FROM SENSATION TO SENSITIVITY
There is a general requirement to shift away from sensation and excitement toward sensitivity and
nature’s subtle energetic connection. Lovemaking must be reconceived as an interplay of dynamic and
receptive forces that give rise to extraordinary energetic experiences. A shift away from sensation
toward sensitivity imbues man with true male attributes and the ability to be present to his penis. To
give value to, and opportunity for, the male-female connection within the vagina, where the vagina
becomes an embracing sheath that elicits the essential qualities imbued in the penis, supporting man’s
experience of himself as authentic man. A natural biological ecstasy is possible, an exchange that
satisfies every cell in the body and lies beyond the pleasure of ejaculation and fantasy.
The penis has a definite intelligence and innate sensitivity. When the female environment is open,
warm, and loving, the penis responds positively to the intrinsic force-flow. When the female
environment is closed, tight, or unwelcoming, the penis can easily shrink and withdraw as it loses
cellular interest. For a man it is a profoundly moving and touching experience to feel deeply
welcomed into the vagina by a woman.
Awakening Polarity
You and your partner can make yourselves more aware of your complementary polarities before you
start lovemaking—as a kind of foreplay. Or at any other time.
Sit opposite each other on the floor on cushions situated a little distance apart so that your knees or
hands aren’t touching. Close your eyes and tune into your positive poles: for you that would be at the
root of your penis (the perineum), and for your partner, her breasts and nipples. Take a few minutes
for this. After a while when you feel you have managed to pull your attention into your penis and
testicles, imagine the penis radiating energy, light, and warmth toward your woman’s vagina. She
should imagine herself receiving the love and light into her vagina and at the same time radiating
warmth, light, and love out through her breasts to you. Imagine receiving all this beautiful energy and
absorb it into your chest and heart.
You can use the breath to support the experience if you wish (but should you feel more relaxed
without any special attention on the breath, this choice is fine too). As you breathe out, radiate love
and light from the penis. As you breathe in, absorb the love and light coming from her breasts.
Breathe in together and then out together for a while. Or as one breathes out, the other breathes in,
then vice versa. When you feel ready, open your eyes in a gentle, receptive way, and sustain an
inviting, gentle eye contact.
If you feel a physical attraction arising between you, woman can move across the space, and you
can assist her to wrap her legs around your waist while sitting in your lap (yab yum position);
cushions can be used to support her if necessary. This position brings the genitals into closer
proximity and the breasts and chest into correspondence. This means the inner magnets are meeting at
opposite ends. Embrace lightly and feel the inner sensations, or use the imagination to circle the
energies.
If you wish, you can also change the breathing pattern—as you breathe in, woman breathes out; as
woman breathes in, you breathe out. This practice will intensify the feeling of the energy and
aliveness circling between your bodies. After a time you probably will begin to feel subtle sensations
of the energy circulating. If yab-yum is not comfortable to sustain, you can move into a standing
position, or you can do the entire exercise standing. Experiencing this circling energy may lead to a
mutual desire for union, but if not, slowly separate your bodies so that you don’t suddenly break the
energetic connection. Sit with closed eyes and settle your attention inside your own body for few
minutes.
Tantric Inspiration
And this merger should not become unconscious, otherwise you miss the point. Then it is a beautiful sex act, but not
transformation. It is beautiful, nothing is wrong in it, but it is not transformation. And if it is unconscious then you will
always be moving in a rut. Again and again you will want to have this experience. The experience is beautiful as far
as it goes, but it will become a routine. And each time you have it, again more desire is created. The more you have
it, the more you desire it, and you move in a vicious circle. You don’t grow, you just rotate.
Rotation is bad because then growth is not happening. The energy is simply wasted. Even if the experience is
good, the energy is wasted, because much more was possible. And it was just at the corner, just a turn, and much
more was possible. With the same energy the divine could have been achieved. With the same energy the ultimate
ecstasy is possible, and you are wasting that energy in momentary experiences. And by and by those experiences
will become boring, because repeated again and again, everything becomes boring. When the newness is lost,
boredom is created.
If you remain alert you will see: first, changes of energy in the body; second, dropping of thoughts from the mind;
and third, dropping of the ego from the heart. And when this third thing has happened, that energy, your sex energy,
has transformed into meditative energy.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
MY WAY: THE WAY OF THE WHITE CLOUDS
5
THE PENIS—A POTENT ELECTROMAGNETIC
INSTRUMENT
A man who experiences his penis as a divine instrument of love and ecstasy develops a profound trust
in his manhood, which rests easily and gently at the center of his being. He has the capacity to listen
to his body, loves and respects his penis, and knows how to be male in relation to female. He
understands the source of his erection and is in control of his ejaculation, and not vice versa. He
becomes able to prolong the sex act at will and capable of holding a relaxed, timeless space that
supports woman (and thereby himself) as an equal and opposite force in experiencing orgasmic
fulfillment.
When man and woman are rooted in nature—man as dynamic force, woman as receptive force—
there is an intrinsic movement as a by-product of the meeting of opposite polarities. Spontaneous,
inherent circles of giving and receiving come into play. Man gives to woman, she receives from man;
woman gives to man, he receives from woman. Many men have probably experienced, however
briefly, no greater blessing than being the recipient of woman’s love; there is nothing more gratifying
or significant in the life of a man. When he receives a shower of female essence, divine feminine
nectar, the pure sweetness of it is a magically empowering experience for a man. It is the love that is
awakened in her through the power of a loving penis. Such enchanting experiences are the true
outcome of sexual union, but happen much too seldom. Normally at the outset of a relationship, when
the situation is fresh and new, magical experiences naturally occur. The knack is to keep re-creating
the newness and not fall into habit or take each other for granted.
SEXUAL CONDITIONING INFLUENCES SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
Very few men have conscious control over themselves or their penises in sex, which puts them at a
disadvantage in creating love. Lack of control exists because there is a complete absence of
constructive information. Instead, unconscious impressions about sex from earliest childhood
accumulate and shape the individual, gradually forming a sexual conditioning that distorts the
individual’s natural sexual responses or expression.
Although clarification about sex, or useful sex education, is virtually nonexistent in our culture, sex
continues to be a driving and distracting force. But at the same time this powerful force is kept under
wraps, like a secret. Most people are involved in sex in some way, but nobody acknowledges it,
shares information, or even talks about it. Sex shifts away from the body and becomes an aspect of the
mind as expressed in thoughts, fantasies, dreams, and voyeurism, and this is true even in self-
pleasuring. Sex leaves the realm of the humanly sensitive flesh to become something you think about a
zillion times more than you actually do.
When a man finally gets together with a woman, he operates on his accumulated past experiences
and guesswork, and hopes for the best. Beneath multiple layers of bravado and performance
