Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men
does not seem to end. For the very first time in my life, I realize that I have treated my body badly and that I can stop this
without effort from one moment to the other. The physical symptoms that come up are so strong that the beautiful
sensation of having an orgasm is nothing compared to it. It is good to know the price I pay for a beautiful orgasm, and
that I have the choice to pay it or not. Usually I do not feel like being totally worn out for two or three days due to having
had an orgasm. So many big and small things have happened that I have for sure forgotten some of them.
Most importantly, my partner and I have come closer than ever before. Emotional moments have become more and
more rare. We love to spend very, very much time with each other and have a hard time not being in each other’s
presence. That has been different in the past. We had moved into a bigger flat just because we could not stand living
together without each of us having a room of our own. Now we have reorganized the flat and the single rooms have
become a shared bedroom and office. This way we can always be in each other’s presence and feel the love flowing back
and forth.
My encounters with people are different. My heart is open. In the past I took a long time to develop trust in someone.
This now happens much more swiftly. My connections are less language-oriented. I don’t like talking as much as I did; I
prefer to be simply here, feeling inside of me and perceiving what is happening. A lot of talking is strenuous for me and
takes me away from myself. Whenever I used to meet a woman, an inner movie was going on: “We could have sex with
each other. Do I want her? Does she want sex with me? But I have a girlfriend. Bummer!” Now when I meet a woman I
feel that my heart is open, that everything is okay, that I can talk with her and feel good. I have no need for sex as my
imagination used to suggest. I encounter the person in a way that has not been possible for me before. I really see her,
instead of avoiding her in a way. Of course this does not always happen, but more and more often.
In the morning my lover and I both do our t’ai chi and other morning exercises together. This gives me pleasure and
I’m amazed how much it helps me to stay grounded in some critical moments. My need for a career, money, fame,
appreciation, exciting journeys, and meeting many friends has faded. I prefer to be with my beloved and am very content
with that. If I could change my life from one day to the next, I would love to have work that allows me to stay at home
every day, and not travel around all the time. Recently we were apart for ten days, and I easily lose the connection to my
heart when I am alone. In the past I always wanted to be at home in order to come close to myself.
In the last month I woke up twice because I had an orgasm. I did not ejaculate. I had not experienced that since
puberty. For one of these incidents I had a dream with wild sex fantasies. We have short moments with a hot kiss, but the
desire for hot sex is there for only a second and vanishes before we have time to put it into practice.
I realized that my lust for sex has evolved into lust for life. Sometimes so much joy is bubbling up in both of us that we
feel like exploding. My woman’s menstruation is now normal, as it had not been for a very long time, and she has normal
ovulation again. I can hardly believe my life has changed so much in such a short time and in such a soft and
harmonious manner. Thanks a lot.
PERSONAL SHARING
Staying Connected
With tantra I often realized how my love has the effect of my going beyond myself. The union of vagina and penis is firm
as a rock, which keeps reminding me of my love. As waves of hate or fear threatened to deluge me, that connection
helped me to stay aware of my love. With the help of love I would then share my fear, as opposed to being trapped in it
and projecting it onto my wife; as we all know, the projection of fear is the most wonderful fertilizer for fights and
separations. Overall, tantra has helped me to deal with my patterns and fears. I can stay much more grounded when a
pattern comes up, and name the pattern. Once it’s out in the open on the table or in the bed, I can more easily deal with it
constructively.
Tantric Inspiration
When you come back after a Tantric sex act, you have risen, not fallen. You feel filled with energy, more vital, more
alive, radiant. And that ecstasy will last for hours, even for days. It depends how deeply you were in it. If you move
into it, sooner or later you will realize that ejaculation is a waste of energy. No need of it—unless you need children.
And with a Tantric sex experience you will feel a deep relaxation the whole day. One Tantric sex experience and
even for days you will feel relaxed—at ease, at home, nonviolent, non-angry, non-depressed. And this type of person
is never a danger for others. If he can, he will help others to be happy. If he cannot, at least he will not make anyone
unhappy.
OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA
10
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
In the pages ahead you’ll find a small selection of the numerous letters we have received from men
and women over the past years. We can attest to the authenticity of all these letters, which are
anonymous for reasons of privacy.
LETTER SHARING (MAN)
My Penis Touched Her Heart
Two weeks after the wonderful retreat, we are still deeply touched by our new experience of making love. It seems like a
miracle that our relationship could change in such a fundamental way after thirty years. We could never imagine that our
problems in coming together—our different ideas and expectations of having sex—would find a solution in this new,
conscious, and very simple way of making love. And we are fully aware that this solution is not simply the end of an old
problem, but much more the beginning of a new way of making love on a totally different level. It is a spiritual practice
that leads us to our true nature, and which is able to heal us and heal the world.
Every time we feel my penis being attracted by her vagina, it is magic. We never imagined that a man’s penis could
immediately touch the heart of the woman. We feel the energy flowing—deep joy, peace, and love. It is a kind of coming
home, of relaxing, and of pure existence. We will never forget these moments; they have already begun to change our
lives. Before it was unimaginable that we would come together every day. Now we are not only enjoying our daily
“quickie,” but usually we also make love in the evening, in a more intense way. We both feel there is something missing
when we don’t come together and connect.
We both know that we are at the beginning of a long journey, and we want to continue.
LETTER SHARING (MAN)
Enjoying the Landscape
I’d like to share a picture that came into my mind: Conventional sex is like mountain climbing, straight up to the peak.
Tantric sex as I learned it with other “neo-tantric” teachers is still like climbing mountains, reaching for higher peaks
than in conventional sex, and then dancing for a while near the peak until you reach it.
Tantric sex, as I learned it with you, also happens in the beautiful mountain landscape. But long before you start
getting exhausted by climbing to the peak, you find that there are lovely meadows, marvelous forests, small brooks with
clear water you can drink . . . so you just start walking around the mountain. From time to time you can see the peak, or
climb to it whenever you want, but usually there is no need to, because it is so beautiful where you are.
LETTER SHARING (MAN)
Feeling Places I Did Not Know I Could Feel
I started my career as a sexual being at age twelve. It happened during a birthday party, and although (to be honest) it
was a quite short experience, it became the blueprint for almost the next thirty years of sex. All I wanted was to get back
to the feelings I had when that girl touched me and let me inside her.
Needless to say, I never felt that way again. But I tried everything. And so I started traveling to some really strange
places on my roadmap to fulfillment. I did things I would now like to undo, and I used some people who really loved me. I
felt myself drifting away from what I was looking for, and the more I drifted, the more I fought to cling to it. In the end, I
fought so hard I could not remember what it was. To cut a long story short, by the time I got to your retreat for the first
time, I and my sexuality were full of disappointment, anger, and tons of aggression. By then I thought it had to be that
way.
I could not imagine sex without moving, licking, and so on. No wonder I felt slightly uncomfortable when you told us
about a kind of sex that included none of this. It was difficult to deal with strange things like meditation, finding a home
inside myself, or massaging the perineum, but nothing was comparable to my panic when my penis was inside my wife and
I had no idea what was going to happen next. The panic reached all-time highs when my penis started to shrink while
inside my wife. I felt lost and powerless, as if my penis were no longer a part of me. All the anger and frustration stored
inside of me turned into a huge wave, ready to drown me. There was just one solution: movement, friction, and
ejaculation. Welcome, black hole.
Gradually, with the relaxation of a week of meditation, I became more and more aware of myself. I felt touches in
places where I did not know I could feel anything. In fact, it was new to me to be touched without getting aggressive or
horny. It was such a relief to just lie down and listen to my body. I started to feel excitement all over my body, not only
inside my penis. The speed of lovemaking slowed down day by day. My body experienced that orgasm and ejaculation
are not the same. Sometimes they were, but even the feeling of ejaculation changed. Good-bye, black hole.
When I came back from the week with you, I came back with the feeling that I had forgotten something really
essential. All the ghosts of the past came back, and this time, hitting the floor really hurt. Once again I lost connection to
myself, and no bodywork or meditation could bring me back home. We returned to your retreat to listen to you both one
more time. I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened, but somebody or something brought us
together again. There’s just one word for it—grace. I’m really grateful and I hope I won’t spoil it again this time.
Believe it or not, it took me four weeks to write these few sentences. If it had been a letter instead of an e-mail, there
would be tear stains on it. Thank you for being not teachers, but two human beings who live what they preach. You have
a place in my heart forever.
LETTER SHARING (MAN)
The Rewards of Being Present
My wife and I attended your “Making Love” course this year and completely changed our style of sex. We decided that
sex has to have high priority in our lives. We make three or four appointments for making love on weekends, and two or
three during the week. And in the morning we often do exercises; I like to stretch my body and get a feeling of my
perinium and pelvic floor area. It is beautiful to be connected to my wife and closer through making love. We have less
stress and tension around sex since we began practicing cool sex. And we laugh more while making love, for example
when we change position. For me it is good that my wife always feels my penis. There is only one condition: To be
present. I think my challenge is to be present and to learn to talk about my feelings.
LETTER SHARING (MAN)
Postmenopause Miracle
Since we’d been working on ourselves for more than twenty-five years and giving mental training seminars for three
