Ирвин Ялом - The Schopenhauer Cure
Schopenhauer and his parents? Surely its nature was primarily determined by
Johanna and Heinrich, Arthur`s creators and shapers; they were, after all, the
adults.
And yet Arthur`s contribution cannot be overlooked: there was something
primal, inbuilt, tenacious in Arthur`s temperament which, even as a child, elicited
certain responses from Johanna and from others. Arthur habitually failed to
inspire loving, generous, and joyful responses; instead almost everyone responded
to him critically and defensively.
Perhaps the template was set during Johanna`s tempestuous pregnancy. Or
perhaps genetic endowment played the major role in Arthur`s development. The
Schopenhauer lineage teemed with evidence of psychological disturbance. For
many years before he committed suicide, Arthur`s father was chronically
depressed, anxious, stubborn, distant, and unable to enjoy life. His father`s mother
was violent, unstable, and eventually required institutionalization. Of his father`s
three brothers, one was born severely retarded, and another, according to a
biographer, died at age thirty–four «half mad through excesses, in a corner with
wicked people.»
Arthur`s personality, set at an early age, endured with remarkable
consistency his entire life. The letters from his parents to the adolescent Arthur
contain many passages that indicate their growing concern about his disinterest in
social amenities: For example, his mother wrote, «...little though I care for stiff
etiquette, I like even less a rough, self–pleasing, nature and action.... You have
more than a slight inclination that way.» His father wrote, «I only wish you had
learned to make yourself agreeable to people.»
Young Arthur`s travel diary reveals the man he would become. There, the
teenaged Arthur demonstrates a precocious ability to distance himself and view
things from a cosmic perspective. In describing a portrait of a Dutch admiral he
says, «Next to the picture were the symbols of his life`s story: his sword, the
beaker, the chain of honor which he wore, and finally the bullet which made all
these useless to him.»
As a mature philosopher Schopenhauer took pride in his ability to assume
an objective perspective, or, as he put it, «viewing the world through the wrong
end of the telescope.» The appeal of viewing the world from above is already
found in his early comments about mountain climbing. At sixteen he wrote, «I
find that a panorama from a high mountain enormously contributes to the
broadening of concepts.... all small objects disappear and only what is big retains
its shape.»
There is a powerful foreshadowing here of the adult Schopenhauer. He
would continue to develop the cosmic perspective that allowed him as a mature
philosopher to experience the world as if from a great distance—not only
physically and conceptually but temporally. At an early age he intuitively
apprehended the perspective of Spinoza`s «sub species aeteritatis,” to see the
world and its events from the perspective of eternity. The human condition,
Arthur concluded, could be best understood not from beinga part of butapart from
it. As an adolescent he wrote presciently of his future lofty isolation.
Philosophy is a high mountain road...an isolated road and becomes even more
desolate the higher we ascend. Whoever pursues this path should show no fear
but must leave everything behind and confidently make his own way in the
wintry snow.... He soon sees the world beneath him; its sandy beaches and
morasses vanish from his view, its uneven spots are leveled out, its jarring
sounds no longer reach his ear. And its roundness is revealed to him. He
himself is always in the pure cool mountain air and beholds the sun when all
below is still engulfed in dead of night.
But there is more than a pull toward the heights motivating Schopenhauer;
there are pushes from below. Two other traits are also evident in the young
Arthur: a deep misanthropy coupled with a relentless pessimism. If there was
something about heights, distant vistas, and the cosmic perspective that lured
Arthur, then, too, there was much evidence that he was repelled by closeness to
others. One day after descending from the crystal–clear sunrise on a mountaintop
and reentering the human world in a chalet at the mountain base he reported: «We
entered a room of carousing servants.... It was unbearable: their animalistic
warmth gave off a glowing heat.»
Contemptuous, mocking observations of others fill his travel diaries. Of a
Protestant service he wrote: «The strident singing of the multitude made my ears
ache, and an individual with bleating mouth wide open repeatedly made me
laugh.» Of a Jewish service: «Two little boys standing next to me made me lose
my countenance because at the wide–mouthed roulade with their heads flung
back, they always seemed to be yelling at me.» A group of English aristocrats
«looked like peasant wenches in disguise.» The king of England «is a handsome
old man but the queen is ugly without any bearing.» The emperor and empress of
Austria «both wore exceedingly modest clothes. He is a gaunt man whose
markedly stupidly face would lead one to guess a tailor rather than an emperor.»
A school chum aware of Arthur`s misanthropic trend wrote Arthur in England: «I
am sorry that your stay in England has induced you to hate the entirenation. ”
This mocking, irreverent young lad would develop into the bitter, angry
man who habitually referred to all humans as «bipeds,” and would agree with
Thomas Г Kempis, «Every time I went out among men I came back less human.»
Did these traits impede Arthur`s goal to be the «clear eye of the world?»
The young Arthur foresaw the problem and wrote a memo to his older self: «Be
sure your objective judgments are not for the most part concealed subjective
ones.» Yet, as we shall see, despite his resolve, despite his self–discipline, Arthur
was often unable to heed his own youthful, excellent advice.
21
_________________________
Heis a happy man who can
once and for all avoid
having to do with a great
many of his fellow
creatures.
_________________________
At the onset of the following meeting, just as Bonnie was asking Julius whether
Pam was back from her trip, Pam opened the door, spread her arms, and loudly
called out, «Da Dumm!» Everyone, save Philip, stood and greeted her. In her
unique loving fashion she went around the circle, looked into each person`s eyes,
hugged them, kissed Rebecca and Bonnie, tousled Tony`s hair, and, when she got
to Julius, held him for a long while and whispered, «Thank you for being so
honest on the phone. I`m devastated, so so sorry, so worried about you.» Julius
looked at Pam. Her familiar, smiling face conveyed courage and radiant energy.
«Welcome back, Pam,” he said. «God, it`s good to see you here. We missed you. I
missed you.»
Then, when Pam`s glance fell on Philip, darkness descended. Her smile and
the cheery crinkles around her eyes vanished. Thinking she was jarred by the
presence of a stranger in the group, Julius quickly offered an introduction, «Pam,
this is our new member, Philip Slate.»
«Oh, it`s Slate?» said Pam, pointedly not looking at Philip. «Not Philip
Sleaze? Or Slimeball? She glanced at the door. «Julius, I don`t know if I can stay
in the room with this asshole!»
The stunned group members looked back and forth from the agitated Pam
to the entirely silent Philip. Julius stepped in. «Fill us in, Pam. Please sit.»
As Tony pulled another chair into the group, Pam said, «Not next to him.»
(The empty seat was next to Philip.) Rebecca immediately stood and guided Pam
to her seat.
After a brief silence, Tony said, «What`s going on, Pam?»
«God, I can`t believe this—is this some monstrous joke? This is the last
thing in the world I wanted. Never wanted to see this rodent again.»
«Whatis going on?» asked Stuart. «What aboutyou, Philip? Say something.
What`s going on?»
Philip remained silent and shook his head slightly. But his face, now
flushed, said volumes. Julius noted to himself that Philip had a functioning
autonomic nervous system after all.
«Try to talk, Pam,” urged Tony. «You`re among friends.»
«Of all the men I`ve ever known, this creature has treated me the worst.
And to come home to my therapy group and find him sitting here—it`s beyond
belief. I feel like bawling or screaming, but I won`t—not with him here.» Lapsing
into silence, Pam looked down, slowly shaking her head.
«Julius,” said Rebecca, «I`m getting tense. This is not good for me. Come
on, what`s going on?»
«Obviously, there`s been a former life between Pam and Philip, and, I
assure you, that comes as a total surprise to me.»
After a short silence, Pam looked at Julius and said, «I`ve been thinking so
much about this group. I`ve been so eager to come back here, been rehearsing
what I would tell you about my trip. But, Julius, I`m sorry, I don`t think I can do
this. I don`t want to stay.»
She stood and turned toward the door. Tony jumped up and took her hand.
«Pam, please. You can`t just leave. You`ve done so much for me. Here, I`ll
sit next to you. You want me to take him out?» Pam smiled faintly and let Tony
lead her back to her seat. Gill changed chairs to open the adjoining seat for Tony.
«I`m with Tony. I want to help,” said Julius. «We all do. But you`ve got to
let us help you, Pam. Obviously, there`s been history, bad history, between you
and Philip. Tell us, talk about it—otherwise our hands are tied.»
Pam nodded slowly, closed her eyes and opened her mouth, but no words
came. Then she stood and walked to the window, rested her forehead against the
pane, and waved off Tony, who had started toward her. She turned, took a couple
of deep breaths, and began speaking in a disembodied voice: «About fifteen years
ago, my girlfriend Molly and I wanted to have a New York experience. Molly had
lived next door to me since childhood and was my best friend. We had just
finished our freshman year at Amherst and enrolled together for summer classes
at Columbia. One of our two courses was on the pre–Socratic philosophers, and
guess who was the TA?»
«TA?» asked Tony.
«Teaching assistant,” interjected Philip softly but instantaneously, speaking
for the first time in the session. «The TA is a graduate student who assists the
professor by leading small discussion groups, reading papers, grading exams.»
Pam seemed staggered by Philip`s unexpected comment.
Tony answered her unspoken question: «Philip`s the official answer man
here. Put out a question and he answers it. Sorry, once you got started, I should
have kept my mouth shut. Go on. Can you join us here in the circle?»
Pam nodded, went back to her seat, closed her eyes again, and continued:
«So fifteen years ago I was at Columbia summer school with Molly, and this man,
this creature, sitting here was our TA. My friend Molly was in a bad place: she
had just broken up with her long–term boyfriend. And no sooner did the course
begin than this...this excuse for a man»—she nodded toward Philip—«starts
hitting on her. Remember that we were only eighteen, and he was the teacher—
oh, a real professor showed up for two formal lectures a week, but the TA was
really in charge of the course, including our grades. He was slick. And Molly was
vulnerable. She fell for him and for about a week was in a state of bliss. Then one
Saturday afternoon, he phones me and asks me to meet with him about an exam
essay I had written. He was smooth and ruthless. And I was just stupid enough to
be manipulated, and next thing I knew I was naked on the sofa in his office. I was
an eighteen–year old virgin. And he was into rough sex. And he did it again to me
a couple of days later, and then the pig dropped me, wouldn`t even look at me,
didn`t seem to recognize me, and, worst of all, offered no explanation for
dropping me. And I was too scared to ask—he had the power—he did the grading.
That was my introduction to the bright wonderful world of sex. I was devastated,
so enraged, so ashamed...and...worst of all, so guilty about betraying Molly. And
my view of myself as an attractive woman took a nosedive.»
«Oh, Pam,” said Bonnie shaking her head slowly. «No wonder you`re in
shock now.»
«Wait, wait. You haven`t heard the worst about this monster.» Pam was
revved up. Julius glanced around the room. Everyone was leaning forward,
fixated on Pam, except of course Philip, whose eyes were closed and who looked
as though he were in a trance.
«He and Molly were a couple for another two weeks and then he dropped
her, just told her he was no longer having fun with her and was going to move on.
That was it. Inhuman. Can you believe a teacher saying that to a young student?
He refused to say any more or even help her move the things she had left at his
flat. His parting gesture was to give her a list of the thirteen women he had
screwed that month, many of them in the class. My name was at the top of the
list.»
«He didn`t give her that list,” Philip said, eyes still closed. «She found it
when burglarizing his living space.»
«What sort of depraved creature would even write such a list?» Pam shot
back.
Again in a disembodied voice, Philip responded, «The male hardwiring
directs them to spread their seed. He was neither the first nor the last to take an
inventory of the fields he had plowed and planted.»
Pam turned her palms up to the group, shook her head, and muttered, «You
see,” as if to indicate the bizarreness of this particular life–form. Ignoring Philip,
she continued: «There was pain and destruction. Molly suffered tremendously,
and it was a long long time before she trusted another man. And shenever trusted
me again. That was the end of our friendship. Shenever forgave my betrayal. It
was a terrible loss for me and, I think, for her as well. We`ve tried to pick it up—
even now we e–mail occasionally, keeping each other informed of major life
events—but she`s never, ever, been willing to discuss that summer with me.»
After a long silence, perhaps the longest the group ever sat through, Julius
spoke: «Pam, how awful to have been broken like that at eighteen. The fact that
you never spoke of this to me or the group confirms the severity of the trauma.
And to have lost a lifelong friend in that way! That`s truly awful. But let me say
something else. It`sgood you stayed today. It`s good you talked about it. I know
you`re going to hate my saying this, but perhaps it`s not a bad thing for you that
