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Ирвин Ялом - The Schopenhauer Cure

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Leibniz`s mottoCaritas sapientis meaning ‘wisdom and care.`”

Philip turned toward Tony. «Leibniz was a German philosopher of

the seventeenth century.»

«I`m finding this tedious and presumptuous,” said Pam.

«Under the guise of helping Julius, you»—she raised her voice an

octave—«Philip, I`m talking to you...” Philip, who had been

tranquilly staring upward, jerked upright and turned toward Pam.

«First, you pass out this sophomoric assignment and now try to

control the group by coyly withholding your interpretation of the

passage.»

«Here you go once again trying to de–ball Philip,” said Gill.

«For God sakes, Pam, he`s a professional counselor. You don`t

need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that he`ll try to contribute

to the group by drawing from his own expertise. Why begrudge

him everything?»

Pam opened her mouth to speak but closed it, seemingly at a

loss for words. She stared at Gill, who added: «You asked for

straight feedback, Pam. You got it. And no, I`ve not been drinking,

if that`s what you`re thinking. I`m in my fourteenth day of

sobriety—I`ve been meeting with Julius twice a week—he`s turned

on the heat, tightened the screws, and got me going to an AA

meeting every day, seven days a week, fourteen meetings in

fourteen days. I didn`t mention it last week because I wasn`t sure I

could stick it out.»

All the members, save Philip, reacted strongly with nods and

congratulations. Bonnie told him she was proud of him. Even Pam

managed a «good for you.» Tony said, «Maybe I should join you.»

He pointed to his bruised cheek. «My boozing leads to bruising.»

«Philip, how about you? You got a response to Gill?» asked

Julius.

Philip shook his head. «He`s already had a good bit of

support from others. He`s sober, speaking out, gaining strength.

Sometimes more support is less.»

«I like that motto of Leibnitz you cited,Caritas sapientis —

wisdom and care,” said Julius. «But I urge you not to forget

the‘caritas` part. If Gill deserves support,why should you always

be last in line? And, what`s more, you`ve got unique information:

who else but you can expressyour feelings about his coming to

your defense and confronting Pam on your behalf?»

«Well said,” responded Philip. «I have mixed feelings. I

liked Gill`s support, and at the same time I`m wary of liking it.

Rely on others to do battle for you, and your own musculature will

atrophy.»

«Well, I`m going to reveal more of my ignorance,” said

Tony, pointing to the handout. «This boat story, Philip—I really

don`t understand it. You told us last week you were going to give

Julius something comforting, and yet this story about a boat and

passengers—I mean, to put it bluntly, I don`t know what the fuck

gives here.»

«Don`t apologize,” said Bonnie. «I told you, Tony, that you

almost always speak for me—I`m as confused as you are about this

ship and gathering shells.»

«Me too,” said Stuart. «I don`t get it.»

«Let me help,” said Pam. «After all, interpreting literature is

how I earn a living. First step is to go from the concrete—that is,

the ship, the shells, the sheep, and so on—to the abstract. In other

words, ask yourself: what does this ship or voyage or harbor

represent?»

«I think the ship stands for death—or the journey toward

death,” said Stuart, glancing at his clipboard.

«Okay,” said Pam. «So, where do you go from there?»

«Seems to me,” Stuart replied, «the main point isdon`t pay

so much attention to details on shore that you`ll miss the boat`s

sailing. ”

«So,” said Tony, «if you get too caught up in shore stuff—

even having a wife and kids—then the boat might sail without

you—in other words, you might miss your death. Big deal—is that

such a catastrophe?»

«Yeah, yeah, you`re right, Tony,” said Rebecca, «I also

understood the boat to be death, but when you put it that way I see

it doesn`t make sense.»

«I don`t get it either,” said Gill, «but it doesn`t say you`ll

miss death; it says you`ll go to it trussed up like the sheep.»

«Whatever,” said Rebecca, «but this still doesn`t feel like

therapy.» She turned to Julius, «This is supposed to be for you. Do

you find any comfort in this?»

«I`ll repeat what I said last time to you last week, Philip.

What I get is the knowledge that you want to give me something to

ease my ordeal. And also that you shy away from doing that

directly. Instead, you choose a less personal approach. Sets a future

agenda, I think, for you to work on expressing your caring in a

more personal way.

«As for the content,” Julius continued, «I`m confused also,

but this is how I understand it: since the boat might sail at any

time—that is, since death could call us at any point—we should

avoid getting too attached to the things of the world. Perhaps it

warns us that deep attachments would make dying more painful. Is

this the message of consolation you`re trying to give me, Philip?»

«I think,” Pam interjected before Philip could answer, «that

it falls into place better if you think of the ship and the journey not

as representing death but what we might call the authentic life. In

other words, we live more authentically if we keep focused on the

fundamental fact of sheer being, the miracle of existence itself. If

we focus on «being,” then we won`t get so caught up in the

diversions of life, that is, the material objects on the island, that we

lose sight of existence itself.»

A brief silence. Heads turned toward Philip.

«Exactly,” responded Philip with a hint of enthusiasm in his

tone. «My view exactly. The idea is that one has to beware of

losing oneself in life`s distractions. Heidegger called it falling or

being absorbed in theeverydayness of life. Now, I know you can`t

abide Heidegger, Pam, but I don`t believe his misguided politics

should be permitted to deprive us of the gift of his philosophical

insights. So, to paraphrase Heidegger, falling intoeverydayness

results in one`s becoming unfree—like the sheep.

«Like Pam,” Philip continued, «I believe the parable warns

us against attachment and urges us to stay attuned to the miracle of

being—not to worry abouthow things are but to be in a state of

wondermentthat things are —that things exist at all.»

«Now I think I`m getting your meaning,” said Bonnie, «but

it`s cold, abstract. What comfort is there in that? For Julius, for

anyone?»

«For me, there is comfort in the idea that my death informs

my life.» Philip spoke with uncharacteristic fervor as he continued,

«There is comfort in the idea of not allowing my core being to be

devoured by trivialities, by insignificant successes or failures, by

what I possess, by concerns about popularity—who likes me, who

doesn`t. For me, there is comfort in the state of remaining free to

appreciate the miracle of being.»

«Your voice sounds energized,” said Stuart, «but I also think

this seems steely and bloodless. It`s cold consolation. Makes me

shiver.»

The members were puzzled. They sensed that Philip had

something of value to offer but, as usual, were confused by his

bizarre manner.

After a brief silence Tony asked Julius, «Does this work for

you? I mean in terms of offering you something. Does it help you

in some way?»

«It doesn`t work for me, Tony. Yet, as I`ve said,” he turned

toward Philip, «you`re reaching out to give me something that

works for you. I`m aware, too, this is the second time you`ve

offered me something I`ve not been able to make use of, and that

must be frustrating for you.»

Philip nodded but remained silent.

«A second time! I don`t recall another time,” said Pam. «Did

it happen when I was away?»

Several heads shook no. No one else remembered a first

time, and Pam asked Julius, «Are there blanks that need to filled in

here?»

«There`s old history between Philip and me,” said Julius. «A

lot of the puzzlement today could be removed by relating this

history. But I feel it`s up to you, Philip. When you`re ready.»

«I`m willing for all to be discussed,” said Philip. «You have

carte blanche.»

«No, what I mean is, it`s not for me to do that. To paraphrase

your words,it would be a richer exercise if you would discuss it

yourself. I think it`s your call and your responsibility.?»

Philip tilted his head upward, closed his eyes, and, using the

same tone and manner as when reciting a memorized passage,

began: «Twnety–five years ago I consulted Julius for what is now

termedsexual addiction. I was predatory, I was driven, I was

insatiable, I thought of little else. My whole being was caught up in

the pursuit of women—new women, always new women, because

once I bedded a woman I rapidly lost interest in her. It was as

though the epicenter of my existence was that moment of

ejaculating inside the woman. And once that happened I had a brief

respite from my compulsion, but soon—sometimes only hours

later—I felt the call to prowl again. Sometimes I had two or three

women in a day. I was desperate. I wanted to get my mind out of

the trough, to think about other things, to touch some of the great

minds of the past. I was educated in chemistry then, but I yearned

for real wisdom. I sought help, the best and most expensive

available, and met with Julius weekly, sometimes twice weekly,

for three years, without benefit.»

Philip paused. The group stirred. Julius asked, «How is this

going for you, Philip? Can you go farther, or is it enough for one

day?»

«I`m fine,” replied Philip.

«With your closed eyes it`s hard to read you,” said Bonnie.

«I`m wondering if you keep them closed because you fear

disapproval.»

«No, I close my eyes to look within and collect my thoughts.

And surely I`ve made it clear that only my own approval matters to

me.»

Again there settled onto the group that strange otherworldly

sense of Philip`s untouchability. Tony tried to dispel it by

whispering loudly, «Nice try, Bonnie.»

Without opening his eyes, Philip continued. «Not too long

after I gave up therapy with Julius, I inherited a fair sum of money

from the maturation of a trust account my father had set up for me.

The money enabled me to leave my profession as a chemist and

devote myself to reading all of Western philosophy—in part

because of my enduring interest in that field, but primarily because

I believed that somewhere in the collective wisdom of the world`s

great thinkers I would find a cure for my condition. I felt at home

in philosophy and soon realized that I had found my true calling. I

applied and was accepted in the philosophy doctoral program at

Columbia. It was at that time that Pam had the misfortune of

crossing my path.»

Philip, eyes still closed, paused and inhaled deeply. All eyes

were on him except for furtive glances toward Pam, who stared at

the floor.

«As time went by I chose to concentrate my attention on the

trinity of truly great philosophers: Plato, Kant, and Schopenhauer.

But, in the final analysis, it was only Schopenhauer who offered

me help. Not only were his words pure gold for me, but I sensed a

strong affinity with his person. As a rational being I cannot accept

the idea of reincarnation in its vulgar sense, but if Ihad lived before

it would have been as Arthur Schopenhauer. Simply knowing of

his existence has tempered the ache of my isolation.

«After reading and rereading his work for several years, I

found that I had overcome my sexual problems. By the time I

received my doctorate, my father`s bequest was exhausted and I

needed to earn a living. I taught at a few places around the country

and a few years ago moved back to San Francisco to accept a

position at Coastal University. Eventually I lost interest in teaching

because I never found students worthy of me or my subject, and

then, about three years ago, it occurred to me that, since

philosophy had healed me, I might be able to use philosophy to

heal others. I enrolled in and completed a counseling curriculum

and then began a small clinical practice. And that brings me to the

present.»

«Julius was useless to you,” said Pam, «yet you contacted

him again. Why?»

«I didn`t. He contacted me.»

Pam muttered, «Oh, yeah, right out of the blue Julius

contactedyou ?»

«No, no, Pam,” said Bonnie, «that part is true; Julius

confirmed it when you were away. I can`t fill you in on it because

I`ve never really understood it myself.»

«Right, let me come in here,” said Julius. «I`ll reconstruct it

as best I can. The first few days after receiving the bad news from

my doctor I was staggered and tried to find a way to come to terms

with having a lethal cancer. One evening I got into a very morose

mood as I thought about the meaning of my life. I got to thinking

about being destined to slip into nothingness and remaining there

forever. And that being so, then what difference did anyone or any

activity make?

«I can`t remember the whole chain of my morbid thinking,

but I knew I had to clutch some kind of meaning or I would drown

on dry land, then and there. As I surveyed my life, I realized that

Ihad experienced meaning—and that it always involved stepping

outside of myself, helping others to live and to fulfill themselves.

More clearly than ever before I realized the centrality of my work

as a therapist and then I thought for hours about those I had helped;

all my patients, old and new, paraded through my imagination.

«Many Iknew I had helped but had I had anenduring impact

on their lives? That was the question that plagued me. I think I told

the rest of group before Pam returned that I had to know the

answer to this question so badly I decided to contact some of my

old patients to find out whether I had truly made a difference.

Seems crazy, I know.

«Then, while browsing through the charts of my long–ago

patients, I also began thinking of those I had failed to help. What

had happened tothem ? I wondered. Could I have done more? And

then the thought, the wishful thought, arose that maybe some of

my failures were late bloomers, maybe they had gotten some

delayed benefit from our work together. Then my eye fell upon

Philip`s chart, and I remember saying to myself, ‘If you want

failure,there is failure—there is someone youreally didn`t help—

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