Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl. The Lost Colony
'That we are,' confirmed Artemis. 'But only for a few seconds. There will be little or no danger to you. And if my suspicions are correct, it is just possible that we may save Hybras.'
'Go back to me being in danger for a few seconds,' said No.1, his thick brow folding in a frown. 'In Hybras, a few seconds can last a very long time.'
'Not here,' said Artemis, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone. 'Here a Jew seconds is how long it will take you to open your hand.'
No.1 opened his fingers a couple of times experimentally. 'That's still pretty long. Any way to cut it down?'
'Not really. If we do, it means sacrificing Minerva.'
'Well, she did tie me to a chair.' No.1 glanced round at the shocked faces. 'What? I'm joking. Of course I'll do it. But no more orange. Please.'
Artemis smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes. 'Very well, no more orange. Now, the plan. It is in two parts. If the first part doesn't work, then the second is redundant.'
'Redundant,' said No.1, almost unconsciously. 'Not needed, superfluous.'
'Exactly. So I'll explain that when necessary.'
'What about the first part?' asked Holly.
'In the first part, we meet a vicious hit man and his band of thugs and he will expect us to hand over Number One.'
'So what do we do?'
'We hand over Number One,' said Artemis. He turned to the slightly nervous imp. 'How do you like the plan so far?'
'Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So, I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.'
'Don't worry,' said Artemis. 'It is.'taipei 101
The group took a high-speed elevator from Taipei 101's cavernous lobby to the observation floor. Holly and No.1 had technically been given permission to enter the building by a small plaque over the main door which simply urged visitors to come and go as they pleased. And seeing as she did not feel the urge to throw up in the elevator, Holly guessed that the plaque counted as an invitation.
'Toshiba elevators,' said Artemis, reading from a pamphlet he had picked up at information. 'These are the fastest elevators in the world.
We are moving at eighteen metres per second, so it shouldn't take much more than half a minute to reach the eighty-ninth floor.'
Artemis consulted his watch when the doors dinged open.
'Hmm. Right on time. Impressive engineering. I may get one of these for the house.'
They stepped out into the observation area, which had a restaurant at the far end. From this lofty vantage point, visitors could walk all the way round the floor and shoot video of the panoramic view. From this height it was even possible to see China across the Taiwan Strait.
For a moment the group forgot their worries and allowed themselves to be awestruck by the grace of this enormous structure. The sky was outside the window and blended almost seamlessly with the sea on the horizon. No.1 was especially dumbfounded. He turned in small circles, the muumuu swishing round his legs.
'Less of the pirouetting, little man,' advised Butler, the first to get his mind back on the job. 'You're showing your legs. And pull that bonnet down over your face.'
No.1 obliged, though he was not happy with the bonnet. It was shapeless and saggy, and made his head look like a bag of washing.
'Good luck, Holly,' said Artemis, into thin air. 'We will meet you on the twenty-third floor.'
'Get this done as quickly as you can,' Holly whispered into his ear. 'I don't have enough magic for a long shield. I'm barely invisible as it is.'
'Understood,' said Artemis, from the side of his mouth.
The small band walked slowly towards the bar area and took a table below the enormous mass damper, suspended a metre above the eighty-ninth floor. The seven-hundred tonne ball was a sight to behold, like an indoor moon, its surface etched with traditional Yuanzhumin drawings.
'This is the legend of Nian,' explained Artemis casually, while Butler scanned the room. 'A ferocious beast that would feed on human flesh each New Year's Eve. To scare Nian away, torches were lit and firecrackers were set off, because Nian was known to fear the colour red. Thus the splashes of red paint. It seems likely from the pictures that Nian was actually a troll. Chou must have based his work on contemporary accounts.'
A waitress came to their table.
'Li ho bo,' said Artemis. 'Can we have a pot of Oolong tea. Organic, if you have it.'
The waitress blinked at Artemis, then looked up at Butler, who was still standing.
'You are Mister Fowl?' she asked, in excellent English.
I am Master Fowl,' said Artemis, tapping the table for attention. 'Do you have something for me?'
The waitress passed him a napkin.
'From the gentleman along the bar,' she said.
Artemis glanced down the arc of the metal railing and buffer system which kept patrons away from the mass damper, and more importantly kept the mass damper away from them.
Billy Kong was seated a dozen tables down, waggling his eyebrows in their direction. He was not alone. No one else was eyebrow-waggling,
but three men were at the table with him, and several others were dotted around the bar area. Minerva was on Kong's knee. He held her fast by the forearm. Her shoulders were tense but there was defiance in the set of her mouth.
'Well?' Artemis said to Butler.
'At least twelve,' replied the bodyguard. 'Billy must have friends in Taiwan.'
'None of them invisible, thank goodness,' said Artemis, opening the napkin.
Send the creature to the reserved table, read the message on the napkin. I will send the girl. No tricks or people will get hurt.
He passed the napkin to Butler. 'What do you think?'
Butler gave the message a summary glance. 'I think he won't try anything here. Too many cameras. If the security doesn't get him on film, a tourist will. If Kong goes for a double-cross, it will be outside.'
'And by then, it should be too late.'
'So we hope.'
The waitress returned with a bamboo tray, bearing a clay pot of tea and three glasses. Artemis took his time pouring himself some of the steaming liquid.
'How are you feeling, Number One?'
'My leg hurts a bit.'
'The painkiller is wearing off. I'll ask Butler to give you another shot later. Are you ready to go? Everything will be fine, I assure you.'
'All I have to do is open my hand?'
'As soon as we're in the elevator.'
'That's it? Do you want me to distract the bad man with some witty banter, like you do with Holly?'
'No. That won't be necessary. Just open your hand.'
'Should I look scared?'
'That would be appropriate.'
'Good. Shouldn't be a problem.'
Butler was functioning in full action mode. Generally, he reined himself in, walking with a slight stoop to avoid drawing attention. But now, he stood tall and tensed, ready to spring into action. His gaze was fierce, and muscles bulged in his neck. He caught Billy Kong's gaze and zeroed in on his eyeballs. Even across a crowded room, the hostility was almost palpable. A couple of more psychically sensitive bystanders suddenly felt anxious and cast their eyes about for the nearest restroom.
When he was finished staring down Billy Kong, Butler knelt to give final instructions to No.1.
'All you have to do is walk down to that table with the reserved sign.
Wait until Minerva gets there, then continue on to Kong. If they hustle you out straight away, count to twenty then open your hand. If they wait for us to leave, open your hand when the elevator doors have closed. Understand?'
'I understand everything. In any language you care to speak in.'
'Are you set?'
No.1 took a deep breath. He could feel his tail vibrating anxiously. He had been in a bit of a daze since the time tunnel. How could anyone take all of this in? Skyscrapers, for heaven's sake. Buildings that actually scraped the sky.
'I'm set,' he said.
'Off you go then. Good luck.'
No.1 began his long lonely walk back into captivity. Scores of humans thronged around him, excited, sweating, chewing things, pointing machines at each other.
Those would be cameras, I suppose.
The noon sun flashed through the ceiling-to-floor windows, catching on the silver of the mass damper, lighting it up like a disco ball. The tabletops loomed just above head height. Waiters and waitresses bustled past with loaded trays. Glasses fell, children screamed.
Too many people, thought No.1. I miss demons. Even Abbot. Well, OK, maybe not Abbot.
No.1 reached the reserved table. He had to stand on tippy-toes to see the folded piece of card with the word printed on it. He lifted the flap on his bonnet to get a clear look. He was beginning to realize that a muumuu and bonnet were not typical Mud Child garb, as Artemis had told him.
This is a terrible disguise. I look like a freak. Surely someone will see that I am not human. I wish I could shield, like Holly.
Unfortunately, even if No.1 could control his burgeoning magical powers, shielding had never been a weapon in the demon warlock arsenal.
No.1 took a step to the right, squinting past the glare of the giant mass damper. Minerva was on her way down. Taking small careful steps towards the reserved table. Behind her, Kong leaned forward in his seat, toes tapping with excitement and anticipation. He was like a dog on a leash with the scent of a fox in his nose.
Minerva arrived. She lifted the brim of No.1's bonnet to check it was him.
'It's not my bonnet,' said No.1. 'And this is certainly not my muumuu.'
Minerva took his hand. Before the abduction she had been eighty per cent genius and twenty per cent twelve-year-old girl.
Now it was about fifty-fifty. 'I'm sorry for everything. For tying you up, and the rest. I thought you would try to eat me.'
'We're not all savages,' said No.1. 'And my wrists did hurt for ages. But I forgive you, I suppose. As long as your tying-up days are over.'
'Yes. I promise.' Minerva looked over No.1's head, towards Artemis's table. 'Why is he helping me? Do you know?'
No.1 shrugged. 'I'm not sure. Holly, our friend, said it was something about puberty. Apparently you're pretty, though to be honest, I can't see it myself.'
Their conversation was interrupted by a whistle from further down the bar. Billy Kong was growing impatient. The ex-Paradizo employee beckoned No.1 on with his index finger.
'I should go. Leave. Depart.'
Minerva nodded. 'OK. Be careful. I will see you soon. Where is it? In your hand?'
'Yes,' said No.1 automatically, then, 'How did you know?'
Minerva walked on slowly. 'Genius. Can't help it.'
This place is littered with genii, thought No.1. I just hope Mister Kong isn't another one.
He continued on his way, being careful to keep his feet and hands inside the muumuu. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a panic by exposing his grey stumpy digits. Although, perhaps the humans would bow down and adore him. After all he was incredibly handsome compared to their own gangly males.
Billy Kong was all smiles when No.1 reached the table. On his face, a smile looked like the first symptom of a disease. His hair was spiked in perfect points. Even in the middle of a kidnapping, Kong still made time for hair. Good grooming says a lot about a person.
'Welcome back, demon,' he said, grabbing a hank of the muumuu. 'So nice to see you. If it is you. .'
'If it is me?' said No.1, confused. 'Me is all I can be.'
'Excuse me, if I don't take your word for it,' snorted Kong, tugging back the bonnet's frill for a quick peek at No.1 's face. 'If that Fowl kid is half as smart as I've heard, then he's sure to be trying something.'
Kong examined the imp's face, poking the plate on his forehead, pulling back the lips to check the pink gums and square white teeth. Finally he traced the rune on No.1's forehead with a finger, to make sure it wasn't painted on.
'Satisfied?'
'Pretty much. I guess little Artemis didn't have time to do a switch. I ran him too hard.'
'You ran us all too hard,' complained No.1. 'We had to fly here in a machine. I saw the moon close up.'
'You're breaking my heart, demon. After what you did to my brother, you're lucky to be alive. Something I hope to remedy in the next few minutes.'
No.1 twisted his head to catch a glimpse of the elevators. Artemis, Butler and Minerva were two steps away from the doors.
'Don't look at them. They can't help you. Nobody can help you.'
Kong clicked his fingers, and a muscular man joined them at the table.
He was hefting a large metal suitcase.
'In case you're wondering, this is a bomb. You know what a bomb is, don't you?'
'Bomb,' said No.1. 'Explosive. Incendiary device.' His eyes widened. 'But that could hurt someone. A lot of some-ones.'
'Exactly. Not humans though. Demons. I am going to strap this on to you, set the timer, then send you back to your island. The blast should at the very least put a big dent in the demon population. You won't be crossing over here for your little night-time hunts for quite a while.'
'I won't do it,' said No.1, actually stamping his foot.
Kong laughed. 'Are you sure you're a demon? From what I hear, the last one was more. . demonic.'
'I am a demon. A warlock demon.'
Kong leaned close enough for No.1 to smell his citrus aftershave. 'Well, little Mister Warlock, maybe you can turn this bomb into a bunch of flowers, but I doubt it.'
'I don't have to do anything, because you can't make me go back to Hybras.'
Kong took a set of handcuffs from his pocket. 'On the contrary. I know exactly what to do. I picked up a thing or two in the chateau. All we have to do is dig that silver slug out of your leg, and Hybras will suck you home.'
No.1 glanced again towards the elevator. The doors were closing on his new friends.
'You mean this silver slug?' he asked, showing Kong what had been concealed in his hand.
'He took it out,' breathed Billy Kong. 'Fowl took out the slug.'
'Took it out,' agreed No.1. 'Extracted. Removed.'
Then he dropped the silver nugget and disappeared.
Holly had been crouched on the mass damper watching events unfold.
So far, everything had gone according to plan. Minerva had reached
Artemis, and Butler had hustled them both to the elevator. At the other end of the bar, Billy Kong was doing his whole grinning psycho bit.
When this was all over, that Mud Man would have to be mind-wiped.
There would be quite a few loose ends to clear up, actually. Not by her, though — she was not LEP any more. After this she would be lucky to be Section 8.
Holly tapped a button on her wrist computer, zooming in on No.1. The imp raised his left hand. The signal.
This was it. Time to test theories. It was either hello again or goodbye forever.
Artemis's plan was a risky one because his calculations were theoretical, but it was the only chance to save the demon island. And Artemis had been right so far. If Holly had to rely on someone's theories, she would prefer those theories to be Artemis Fowl's.
